A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I dated this guy for about three months and he ticked all the boxes for me. We were compatible, had everything in common and we had amazing chemistry. I'm usually very picky and don't often feel this way about someone, I've been single for 2 years and I've been on a lot of really crap dates in that time. However, he had only very recently got out of a really long term/serious relationship and he decided to end things with me because he wasn't ready to take things further or commit to a new relationship. I feel absolutely gutted because I think we were (or could be) really great together. Is there ever such a thing as the right person at the wrong time? Obviously I don't want to wait around for him but equally, if in 3 or 4 months time and I'm still single, would it be worth reaching out to him? Or was the 'I'm not ready' just an excuse because he just wasn't that into me? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2020): I met the right person wrong time years ago. Or so I thought. The sex was out of this World, toe curling, but once I got to know him better I found it he was unreliable, dishonest, self serving and immature so even if we had both been single and thinking about things I would have had to reject him for a permanent thing. He could have ruined me and great sex would not have been enough to make it worth it.There are lots of right ones and you could this one today and another one next year. The point is that any one of them could make you happy in some way if you meet them at the right time. But would it be in the best way for you.As a young woman I was very into romance and sex. As a much older woman I much prefer a man who is honest, reliable, loyal and respectable. When I think back to some of the men I flirted with when young it was great then but it would never have been wise for it to happen or last and even less so now.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (25 August 2020):
 OP, you ask "was the 'I'm not ready' just an excuse because he just wasn't that into me?"
That is impossible to know 100%
BUT... The fact that he was willing to date you SO fresh out of a relationship only for 3 months makes me think you were more of a rebound than someone he could see himself with long term. I think nearly any girl he remotely found attractive and liked could have been his rebound. He would have known sooner (I would think) that he wasn't over the ex. However, given your ages (if he is 22-25 as well) maybe he was just a bit thoughtless and jumping into a relationship too soon.
Would I reach out to him in 3-4 months? No. He rejected you once, you want to be rejected again by the same person? Is there a shortage of guys where you live, that he might be the ONLY option? (my guess is no).
The thing is, if you can find ONE guy who SEEMINGLY ticks all your boxes, you can find another. At least your "radar" is good when it comes to finding guys with qualities you want/like.
Now if HE reaches out in 6 months and you are still single, maybe consider it but GO SUPER slow so he doesn't hurt you again. With that said, I think you need to consider to NEVER date someone fresh out of a relationship ever again, EVEN if they seem amazing. Just like one should never date a guy who is separated or in a bad relationship or marriage (supposedly).
Wish him well (in your head) and let him go. If you get stuck on someone like him, you might miss out on someone who could be a much better fit.
Lastly, I can see how the who right person, wrong time" can be a "thing" but generally I think if it's the RIGHT person you will make sure that you end up losing that |right" person and just go super slow. Or not get too invested too fast.
You really can't know after ONLY 3 months if he was actually all that "right" for you.
Chin up.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (25 August 2020):
 You were compatible, and shared amazing chemistry which are signs of the makings of a good relationship.
I think he did the right thing ending things with you, this shows maturity. He knew that if he started a new relationship with you so soon after the end of long term serious relationship he would be on the rebound. And rebound relationships have a tendency to not work out.
So many people come out of a long term relationship, and straight back into another relationship. I believe you have got to give yourself time, however long it may take, to heal yourself, get yourself back together, and be 100% sure your ready to commit to someone else.
So yes, the pair of you might be good together, but for him its the wrong time. You have go to respect this, respect that he did the right thing. Give him his time, how ever long it may take, and refrain from contacting him in this time.
If after several months, you are still single maybe just send a polite text to ask how he is doing. If you get no response you will know that he does not want to take things anywhere with you.
But do give him the space to get over his long term relationship before you establish contact.
...............................
|
