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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I'M trying to save our marriage at the last 10 years,it is 25 year long now... Well, there is no luck. After years of counseling,self -improvement on my part... He did not change a bit. Now, he is sexually unavailable,not just emotionally.. Long story short, he is a workaholic,and spends all his effort on his projects. He never had an enlightenment, and I heard workaholics,are just as bad ,than alcoholics. They call them the ''useful addicts''Sure ,someone who got a lazy husband cant imagine what can be wrong with a man who works 24\7. But I know,anybody who went thru with this with someone else knows what I'm talking about ..I spent my mothering years like a single mother,and it had all the bad consequences,lots of trouble with children, self esteem issues,drugs... Now my heart is broken ,to not have my man ,or my kids in order. I think ,I MUST LEAVE NOW and start my own life, even without any man...He lost his sex drive 4 years ago. So we have no sex, no family time ,no fun... Do I have any reason to stay? The kids are grown ups.. Needs lots of help, but don't leave with us. I really cant see any hope. I don't know, why did he close himself in this work thing, but he would not tell, if he didn't say it so far..im so mad inside,please help me wit some good advice. And ,if its not clear, please ask...I will respond. Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2010): No marriage needs to end ,if there is any love left... You need t make yourself very happy, and the marriage should not be your main focus.. So ,this way, you rely on yourself not on your husband! Be wise, and take care!
A
female
reader, Sharon1111  +, writes (1 March 2010):
 I think you should ask yourself what you want out of life and whether having this guy in it helps, hinders, or can be tolerated if you adjust your expectations to companionable coexistence (of a sort).
It is unlikely you can change him, so harbouring resentment against him will act like poison in you and between you and him.
If you think you can settle for less than your dreams, maybe you could work at being amicable and pleasant to him - little acts of sunshine, kindness and courtesy, without hanging any expectations on doing that.
And how about you share time with him once in a while, just to enjoy the times themselves, nothing else?
And I think you should certainly work on being your best friend & on living a life with a lot of enjoyable things going on, just because you enjoy them & find them meaningful.
If you think youneed to end this marriage, what prevents you from doing so?
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A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (18 February 2010):
 Sometimes life is not really easy at all. Sometimes its hard to us. Im sorry for the situation you have. I wish i can heal the pain you have now. but not" all i can do is to tell some thoughts that maybe could help. You said the Children are already grown up. The Husband is not helping the situaton to make it better. I have a feeling you already did your best part for this Family. I think its time now for you to do good thing for your self. I think you deserve to be happy too. It is your right anyway. I think its ok to help our Children but sometimes everyone needs also to grow up. This Children i think they also need to build and to stand to their own life. I wish you luck dear..
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 February 2010):
My girlfriend would be able to help you most. She was married to a man like this and it almost destroyed her. On top of that he really did emotionally abuse her, and it seems like your husband has kind of done that to you. My girlfriend did everything she could and the man wouldn't change. In the end she left. Now she is much happier. You have given everything you can to this marriage. Now give everything you can to your own life and focus on yourself. You've worked wonders, and it's sad it hasn't worked out. But you have your own life, and this is the moment to take control again.
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