A
male
age
36-40,
*ike3891
writes:i met the women i love about a year and a half ago we are both 26.the problem is that she told me her past i did not want to know ever but she talked about it and anyway she slept with 13 guys thats including me that was with in 3 years.i have been with 4 including her. anyway i did not want to know any of it but she would talk about hooking up. that she played this drinking game that some one would say something like have you had sex on a table and if you did you take a drink or if some one said have you had sex in a car if you did you take a drink anyway you get the drift so she said she did not miss too many drinks not that i wanted to hear that so thats how i found out she had a threesome oh great did not want to hear that. by this time i had already fallen in love with her like i said i did not want to know if you dont know it can't eat at you. well i have been trying to deal with it for for about a year i dont think about it for a bit but it comes back to haunt me i would like to stop thinking about it but can't other things she told me like how she was the other girl how she was seeing a guy he was cheating on his girl to be with her and how he left both of them for another girl so that made me not trust her for awhile but i trust her i do she has not did anything to make me not trust her so that not a problem.the sex lately the sex has been bad sometimes i think about that during,before or after sex its making the sex life pretty bad .is there away to get past all of this. a way i can stop thinking about it if you can help me if you have been there got past it let me know how i realy want to know
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her past, sex life, sexual past, threesome Reply to this Question
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female
reader, blondie1961  +, writes (26 February 2010):
 The past the past the past, why can't we leave it there? At 50 I know no more than you do at 26. If you can't come to terms with it you risk loosing her, that's for sure. Ask yourself if you want that. As I write this it's a Friday night and I sit her, alone, with a half bottle of red wine down my throat and it's only half past six. I could not accept the 3some in his past and the only person who lost was me. There is no winning, just different degrees of loosing .. good luck my friend.
A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (19 February 2010):
 For me the issue would be not that she has had sex with 13 guys in 3 years - that's high but not out of the range of ordinary, some girls just like to have a lot of sex and frankly God bless em - but rather that she insists on talking about it in front of other people as that is disrespectful to you and also bad judgement in terms of of the way that it will make other people think about her.
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A
female
reader, Petra at home  +, writes (19 February 2010):
What bothers me is her propensity for drinking.....
You won't be able to just "forget" her past, your won't be able to put it out of your mind. What you need to do is either change your outlook or move on. By "change your outlook" I mean if you REALLY love her, love her as she is now and not what you thought she was or should be, you will actually take joy in her past sexual experiences. Encourage her to talk about them and let her know that you genuinely believe you are lucky to be the one in her life (and in her pants) now. If you can't honestly do that, stop wasting your (and her) time and energy; move on.
P.S. To make a very long story short, I went through such a transformation with my husband and other women. From jealousy to joy that he has other good sexual experiences, from fear to flattery that he has chosen me for his wife.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): You MIGHT be able to train your mind to forget or not to think about it so much but you will never completely forget. I know you love her but she doesn't seem the least bit regretful of sleeping with so many guys. In fact she seems proud of it.
You are very young and seem like a good guy. Maybe you need a woman that hasn't had so many partners.
The threesome would stop me from seeing a girl. But that's just me. And what sucks is you are already in love with her. But that doesn't mean you have to compromise your morals for that.
I wouldn't want to stay with her but if you do, at least get her to stop telling you
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): You need to break up with her.
There is no fixing it, your only option is burying the feelings down deep and trying to bottle them up forever. That will make things work on a day-to-day basis but you will never stop feeling so bad like this. Time does not cure this wound.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): well 13 is a bit much in a 3 year period but the pressure on females to have casual sex is much greater than on males as men are always on the lookout for sex.
If you are not happy with her past now the feeling will be much more bitter in the future so my advice is find yourself a gal with less past partners.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (19 February 2010):
 The mind is like a fertile soil. What you plant on it , you will reap. If you plant apple tree's , you will get apples.
You can say aloud and repeat until the problem is no more or whenever her past comes into your mind.
Tell yourself that you do not care about her past and have wiped her slate clean or words to that effect.
So each time , you remember her past, your mind will go into that automatic defensive mode .It will not trouble you anymore.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): There is sometimes no way in life to get past certain things. It's kind of like forgiving someone for something, but not forgetting about it and that's probably the point at which you are right now. What you can't do is hold that against her because if it's in her past and before the two of you met, then there's nothign that you can do about it or treat her unfairly about her past.
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