A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:A guy added me on myspace began talking to me. We have been talking for about a month and have similar interests, good conversation, and he is very interested in me. He wants to meet me, but there is one catch. All of my myspace pictures are about two years old, because I had some bad health issues (cancer and thyroid level problems) that have caused me to gain about 40 pounds since the pictures were taken. I've been very depressed about this, and avoid pictures now because no matter how much I work out or how healthy I eat I am unable to lose weight because of my health problems. I don't update my pictures because of this, but this has never been an issue because all of my myspace friends know me in real like so they know what I look like, except for this guy.He is a very fit guy, and I am not sure how he would respond to meeting me in person and me being a size 14 as opposed to the size 7 I was in pictures. Is there a way I can tell him this (it's a heavy subject I don't like talking about) or should I just put on a "skinny" outfit, meet him, and hope for the best?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009): I think you should be honest with him. Take a picture of yourself today and post it. Preferably a full body shot. Look your best and see how he responds. This will save yourself any embarrassment you might receive by and in-person meeting. But, as always, looks shouldn't be what is important, rather what is in the heart. Remember, love is not a feeling, love is a commitment!
A
female
reader, Shanell +, writes (26 October 2009):
U need 2 tell him that u gained weight cause when he meet u he's gonna be mad cause u not what he expected & all that weight is gonna catch him off guard.
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (26 October 2009):
 A nice guy will also understand and give you a free pass on lying because he will understand why you did. Up to a point. I think that you coming on here and asking what to do is a pretty strong signal of you having a grasp of the magnitude your deception is becoming. Instead of being on here and fretting, why don't you tell him and get it off your chest. Umm your mind get it off your mind.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (26 October 2009):
 Wow, you don't think being double the size you present is misleading to a guy that only has your pic to go off of and is making a decision to date you based on trusting that info you present is accurate? You need to tell him and if you don't, you can't get upset or call him a jerk if he never contacts you again, ok?
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (26 October 2009):
My face book picture is about 20 years old. But I am not trying to get laid out there. And it's because the only pictures that are more current are mug shots.
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A
female
reader, hahabooboo2 +, writes (26 October 2009):
Girl i think that you should tell him because if he likes you then he will still like you when he meets you
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A
female
reader, RCK  +, writes (26 October 2009):
No just tell him the photo's are from two years back and to date you are alot me curver then you were back then. I mean you still enjoy the same interest together and so there should be nothing stopping you two getting on. Tell him the truth about your health and the medication that you were on before you meet as it may give him more of an understanding. When your out there to meet protential dates always start on an honesty basis and that includes putiing up a photo of yourself now not in the past. Try not to dwell on what you use to look like and love the body you are in. Once you find your own happiness with how you look nothing can bring you down. Don't allow yourself to miss out on a great time because of how you look. The cancer and thyroid problems should have opened your eyes to see that life is too short to sulk. Go out and have fun!! Breathe the air in and think to yourself how can I make this day more interesting. So tell him about yourself before you meet and if he says "no" remember time is too short to dwell just move on to that special someone that says "yes" If the guy wants to judge you by how you look then his personality is crap and is definately not worth your time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't feel like I led him on or lied to him. I don't use myspace for dating, just keeping in touch with friends. I actually have a private profile and am friends ONLY with people I know in real life. My main picture is a recent face shot, so it's not like I'm luring strange guys in with a sexy picture. I made a first time exception and added him even though I didnt know him because we had similar interests and I liked the short stories he wrote. He was the one who has initiated all conversations with me. He's the only one who I am friends with on myspace that I don't actually know.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (26 October 2009):
Oh, also be absolutely honest with this guy you've totally misled- tell him about your health issues and that you were very insecure and not sure how to handle that with him but you apologize for what you've done. Tell him you completely understand if he's not willing to meet you, trust has been broken, and that it's your fault that you didn't allow things to start on an honest note. Let him know that you hope there are no hard feelings and you will respect his decision.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  + ♥, writes (26 October 2009):
I'm afraid older sister has it right. If you lie now, you'll lie later. A good guy will always like you for who you are.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (26 October 2009):
I'm really sorry for what you've gone through health-wise, but that doesn't give you permission to mislead someone online, okay? It's especially important when meeting people online that you have an accurate, up-to-date profile so you don't end up getting hurt or dumped because the guy felt misled. People are very wary when it comes it online dating and will bolt at the first sign of lying or misrepresentation. I know you are feeling self-conscious but it's no excuse. You need to update your latest pics- many men don't care about a size 14 but they will care if you lie to them! Everyone has a right to their preferences and it's not okay to hook someone in and manipulate them into meeting you under false pretenses. It's only fair to you and the other person to keep it real. Take care!
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