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male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: OK - to the point. My partner opened my emails today and saw some pretty lurid exchanges from me to a tart at the beginning of the year. We never actually met up because in my view the flirt was probably more exciting than the reality. At that point in time the idea of exchanging naughty emails with a total stranger was a turn on - especially as I could more or less say what I wanted and being in the business she understood. I took the correspondance up to the wire, that is to say to the point when a rendevous was agreed. I kept the correspondance going up to this point out of curiosity and a sort of half desire to see the mission through. At the moment of a rendevous I ducked out because after some cold reflection I realised that a) it would have been the first time that I had cheated on my other half and b) because 30 minutes of pleasure would put me completely on the wrong track and risk a good future as well as my self esteem. We had come through a lot together over 10 years and things weren't really as bad as they had looked. So I never met and correspondance ceased. If there was any explanation it was that this period happened at a low ebb in our lives. Business and private pressures had been mounting and I must admit I had been overdoing the late work, solo boozing and general stress levels as a result. All in all a tricky period. After a period of no speaking and a domestic row (for which she had reason in retrospect) I thought right I'll damn well line up a tart. I found one on the internet and that's when the emails started to happen. Having a friendly person at the other end was very nice - especially someone who was totally detatched and anonymous. I knew that I was being bad but what the hell - it was only a few anonymous emails - and anyway it felt like I had a joker up the sleeve if things persisted. I felt a bit better. A bit more in control. As I said, the period passed without incident and the relationship with my partner grew steadily better to the point up to today. So today the poor soul found my email account open and there, buried 8 months ago were the highly incriminating emails which I had stupidly not deleted. They have now been printed and in her rage they were copied to friends who will no doubt see me in a slightly different light now. I dont blame her actually. I'm sure I would have been tempted to do something similar.The question is in what manner or by what means can I possibly explain that for me it was a dangerous fantasy, that nothing actually happened with the tart or anyone else for that matter?Thanks.
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flirt, period, self esteem, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006): For what it might be worth Id show her yr post on here as earlier suggested as its quiet explanitory however, I do believe that this was emotionally cheating. You say it was a bad time in yr relationship, Id say if yr partner stays with you learn from this - in bad times you need to communicate with YR WIFE not some 'tart' on the internet. I think she has a huge decision to make and the fate of this relationship is out of yr hands. She deserves to be happy and treated respectfully and what you did wasnt respectful of her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006): well, i hate to tell you this but something did happen, just because you did not sleep with her does not mean you werent cheating. its called emotional cheating.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006): I dont believe your story and you've got no motive to lie to us. I dont think this is a hole you can climb out of with empirical evidence. I guess you go try letting her contact the "tart" under your email guise and let her get contemporanous details to satisfy herself. On the other hand since her friends know, a bunch of rightous females have probably already emailed her giving her a piece of their minds.I think things will be pretty much out of your hands especially since the friends are probably whispering in her ear. All you can do in hang in there and take a bunch of body blows from her and see what she wants to know. On the upside at least you wont have to wonder why your relationship ended like some people on this board.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2006): If you're wife is willing to listen, then refer her to this post of yours and ask her to read it. Mind you, she will still not take it lightly because she will feel you emotionally cheated on her. Which btw, is understandable on her part.
If you are willing to come clean and try to work out your marriage, then great, do it if you can, if you wife allows you to. Otherwise, well, yeah...
So just ask your wife to read this, and of course read through our comments on your post. However, I wished that your wife didn't print them out and give them out to her friends... I can understand that she did it through the catalyst-result of anger, but somethings should be kept private until all hell breaks loose. This is hardly 'all-hell-breaks-loose' - not quite anyway.
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