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Is she too attached to her dad???

Tagged as: Dating, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 August 2006) 2 Answers - (Newest, 19 August 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

Hi. I've been dating this lovely man for about two years now. However his adult daughter seems not to think much of me. She's been cold to me for as long as I've known her. On the other hand I'm wondering if my boyfriends relationship with his daughter is a little bit too close. For ex.,

1. She's 25 yrs old and still calls her father daddy

2. They call each other every day and talk for about 30-45 minutes

3. She tells him everything

4. Her job requires her to be on her feet alot so she'll often come to her dad house and he'll rub her feet while they talk about their day.

5. When they take walks together they actually hold hands.

6. And finally, she doesn't think much of sitting on her dads lap and cuddling.

Is any of this unusual? I don't have any kids myself, and I wasn't very close to my own dad to know whats normal in a adult father-daughter relationship. My boyfriends really great and we plan on getting married. I want to have his daughter be a part of our life but she seems to be giving me the cold shoulder! Are adult children normally like this when their parent is with someone else, or is she just way too attached to her dad?

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (19 August 2006):

eyeswideopen agony auntWhat happened to the mother? Did he raise her on his own? She sounds very dependent on her father but I can't say it's excessive. If this is her only parent then it even makes more sense to me. She'll pull away a bit when she gets into a relationship. Stay friendly and she may warm up to you. Probably she is just a little jealous of you but she may come around in time, Word of warning though, do not criticise the daughter's behavior to her father, he won't take it very well I'm afraid. Good luck.

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A female reader, Ellis74 United Kingdom +, writes (18 August 2006):

Ok, hope my answer helps in some way but I will do it in point order like yourself :-

1. I know a few people that still refer to their fathers as Daddy, one being my boss and she is 38!!!

2. Maybe a bit excessive but they obviously have a very close relationship. I speak to my mum 2 times a week and can spend a good 1 or 2 hours a time on the phone.

3. Thats not such a bad thing. Until about 6 months ago I was never really that close to my mum and always felt that anything I told her she would criticise or have a go at me about it so i kept everything to myself. Since our relationship changed, I feel I can tell her anything - that was a huge step for me. Its better that she tells him everything than hide things specially if he can help her through things

4. Not quite sure about the feet rub down but hey, if i had my mum near to me and she offered me a foot massage, I wouldnt turn it down lol

5&6 Now these two points are the only things I dont understand - linking arms with your father is one thing but holding hands - that I guess would concern me too if I was you. have you ever asked him about it?!? Lap and Cuddling I too would think she is too old for but hey she sounds like she really is a "daddys girl"

So yes maybe a few things are unusual but i guess he could very well be compensating for her mother not being around perhaps - i dont know the situation. I was 13 when my dad died (im 32 now) and I am the youngest of the 3 of us kids. and until i reached my early 20's my mum was protective of me. I even have a friend, hes 24, who still lives at home and has absolutely EVERYTHING done for him but she too only does things to compensate for the dad not being around (left when he was a toddler) even though she remarried when he was young.

As for her giving you the cold shoulder, dont take it personally. I did the same to my mum when she told me she wanted to meet her husband to be (they are married now and have been for some time) - i didnt have the time or day for him purely because he wasnt my dad!! They got married and I was happy for them - I guess at the time i was being selfish and wasnt thinking about my mum i.e. us kids grown up and her not wanting to ber on her own anymore. Give her time - let her have her "cold shoulder" moments - just try not to rise to them and in time, she will realise you are not taking him away from her or replacing her mothers place.

I hope i have helped in some way. Good luck I hope it all works out for you x

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