A
male
age
30-35,
*ice guy in last
writes:ok this is the last time. im too confused and in love yet I feel like im doing a pop quiz I didn't study for. so I wrote two other questions I would appreciate if they where read before you continue reading this one. I feel it would help you to better understand me and in all help me to get a good answer. so this same girl who I've been talkin bout was dating a guy up to when I went with her to her friend/fuck buddy's game. so the next night I get a text from her sayin that she appreciates everything that I have ever done for her and that she doesn't know what she could do without me. then that she was goin out to the casino and then she would to a bar with some friends. the next day she texts me tellin me she is completely confused and is losing her mind. I found out that she went out that night with her ex and her friend from the softball game. then that they approached her tellin her that they would do anything to be with her, then telling her to choose between the two. she then asks me knowing I have very strong feelings for her who she should chose. I was hurt yet again. im in love with this girl she knows it and I feel that im being tested. I told her that I thought it was wrong of both of them to put her in a decision like that and that if they really cared about her they would do whatever they could to make her happy even if that means only being a friend. I know that's all I tried to do is to make her happy. no matter what that meant. I didn't say that last part too her. she told me then that she was leaning towards neither of em and wanted to be single. am I hopeless? was this some game or test she's playing? what the hell is going on im hurting and unwillingly starting to shut myself off from people.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): There is no easy way to read your previous submissions unless you have an advice post I can click on your name from. I believe I saw one of your posts before, however."I told her that I thought it was wrong of both of them to put her in a decision like that and that if they really cared about her they would do whatever they could to make her happy even if that means only being a friend."Ugh. Problem here is when you said all of that, she was trying to make a decision between all THREE of you. I'm sure you see that you lumped yourself into the "wrong for making her have to decide" group. Don't you see that now she thinks that about you? That if you truly care you will be ok with being her friend? I mean, you said it yourself. You just generally weren't assertive enough, in my opinion.Shoulda been like.. "Forget them, I want you." Simple..to the point. Perfect. Don't say that NOW though..its a different dynamic now. But you could have said that when you were put to the question.Still, I wouldn't blame myself too much in your situation. If you are one of three candidates then she is clearly intent on playing her options and not ready to give the pure love you seem to desire. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say this girl, she's not in a place to give you that. It just seems to me like she values you far less than you value her. That is a fundamental problem.But what you do from here is up to you, I would need more info. Did you freak out? Send her angry or needy texts or voicemails? Or is your friendship with her still relatively sound? If it is still sound, and you have avoided the pitfalls most guys fall into, then you have some options here. Obviously it seems like you aren't happy just being friends, so you should send something like,"Well I had a thing for you, I don't think just friends is gonna cut it for me, but I agree with your decision and all. Do what you gotta do."And make yourself scarce from her. If she texts you or messages you back, don't reply right away, or keep it very short responses. Don't let her dictate contact, that should all be under your control and timing. The idea here is to make your time and company seem extremely more valuable to her than it was before. Date other women! Nothing raises a man's worth in a ex gf's eyes than seeing/hearing about him with other women. Nothing. You have to raise your value in her eyes. That to me, is your major problem here.
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