A
male
age
41-50,
*oejoe1
writes:Ok here goes..I broke it off with my ex about a month ago b/c I felt like I wasn't full getting what I need out of the relationship. she is 31 and i'm 34..In the beginning, she spoke of marriage, having children, loved my house in the country, loved that I was close with my family, etc..she said I love you first and that i was "the one"..fast forward to about 6 mo. into the relationship..I asked her about moving in with me b/c I felt like the distance between us was starting to cause a rift..she wanted me to "have fun" more out with friends and i wanted her to be up here with me more trying to start the life i thought she wanted. i broke it off after a big argument and didn't contact her for a month,nor did she..i wrote a closure letter and sent it clearly explaining why i left, etc..i got something back that basically said it was "me" and that my attitude, my expectations, my want for more, and on and on was the downfall of the relationship..not once did she say anything about herself..well, i wrote her back and said it was pretty hurtful to not hear a single nice thing about the relationship..she wrote another scathing e-mail saying i walked out, i was always on her ass, i did this and i did that..i then asked if we could work on things and she said no, she has moved on. I am aware that things don't work sometimes, but I feel as though I have been sent down the same road as many of her x's.she has had a series of one year relationships with men that were a lot different than me (different family, different values, different lifestyle) and she ended most of them after a year..i'm not really the type that gets involved for one year without seeing the warning signs, but it seems she hid them so well..i realize it is over, but this girl is 32 yrs old, never married, what is everyone's take? is she just a confused women who doesn't know what she wants? I mean this girl was head over heels for the first 6 mo and I watched her go from hot to cold in a month? I just couldn't understand it and I broke it off..I should have left it alone, but I tried to go back in hopes that she realized she lost a good guy, no dice..I set myself up for hurt I guess..what is everyone's take on the personality type?
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male
reader, joejoe1 +, writes (3 February 2010):
joejoe1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks..I appreciate all the answers..I'mn glad I broke it off first, but man have I been hurting over it the past month or so..I hand-wrote a letter of closure that said i cared, spelling out exactly why I left so she could have some peace..You know what I got back? Thanks for caring about me..I understand the feeling of finality you have! wow..one year goneeeee! I treated her well too
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): Hey Pal,,
You are one lucky guy you missed the bullet with that woman. Just think what life would be like if everything had gone and planned and 2 year from now, you were going through this.....
Some,, (not all by any stretch) Women are just "wired weird" and will likely never be what they say they want in life. THey want "something" (insert life of your choice) but when it gets down to actually making the committment and sacrifices to get that life they krap out.
Honestly,, in re-reading your post,, She found somebody else where she lives and lacked the adulthood to tell you. At the point where you said,," she wanted me to "have fun" more out with friends and i wanted her to be up here with me.." she had some other guy on her string.
Feel bad for you it hurts,, but you learned alot from her,, she couldn't be adult or honest with you, and the next guy will probably experience the same thing just like the list of guys before you.
Just consider yourself very lucky in this situation. You will find a good woman/lover/friend who is honest,loyal and true marriage quality.
B.T.W. In love and the heart,, everyone, male and female, "sets themselves up for hurt" whenever they hand their heart and soul to another and trust they won't be hurt.
(it's called life)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): Commitment issues. Its all talk and no action.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 February 2010):
 I think she has commitment issues, but I could be wrong.
Maybe she felt you were rushing her? That would be my guess. I know a lot of women who "mold" themselves to the guy they are dating, as in take on his interests, dresses in clothes, color he likes, like the same sports, movies.. you know what I mean. Say what they think the guy wants to hear because they "think" that is HOW you have a relationship. Then one day they decide, Hey! this just isn't me.
Maybe she was more caught up in the idea of being in love then actually being in love.
To be honest she sounded VERY immature for a 32 year old.
Also, making moving in together an ultimatum almost, is never a good way. I think that is something that needs to be agreed on, talked about. Rules and boundaries set before taking that step.
Make take it slow next time. Ask the next girl friend how she would feel about moving in together - taking the plunge, instead of assuming that she wants what you want.
The e-mails back and forth arguing over who is the most to blame.. I understand them, but in all fairness they are pointless.
You might never get "closure" in the way YOU want in that relationship, but instead of looking back and trying to get her to admit to faults, YOU need to move on and learn from the "mistakes" of past relationships.
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