A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I went through my boyfriends phone recently and found some text messages I'm not too happy about. He's been sending raunchy texts to his ex-girlfriend. It made me so sick to my stomach when I read them, and what made me even more sick is I looked at the time and date he sent them and realized that the night he sent the texts to her he called me immediately after. What is up with that? Why would he be sexting his ex and then call me after?? I don't know what to do in this situation because I can't really confront him because I basically invaded his privacy by snooping through his phone. I'm at a loss. She also wrote "cant wait for our long weekend". I really like this guy and don't want to end our relationship. What do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionall these answers are so helpful. he definitely wants to have his cake and eat it too. i forgot to mention that his ex lives in a completely different state. so she is no where near here. should i sit back and not do anything and if he decides to take a "random trip" then approach him? i honestly did snoop because i thought that something was up. i know i need to forget what i feel and remember what i deserve but my feelings for him are so strong...
A
female
reader, Mercury4691 +, writes (22 February 2010):
To be completely honest with you he's not going to stop texting his ex. He has no reason to. Even if you confront him and tell him that you went through his phone he can still do it behind your back and just erase the messages. Furthermore, knowing you went through his phone he'll probably never trust you the same again. She's his back up. He wants the best of both worlds. There's obviously something still going on between the both of them. Dump him and find someone that will be loyal to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): Honest answer - YES. And you do know he is still getting it on with her. In fact he has both you and this other girl to satisfy him. Bottom line he is playing you. You need to decide whether it is better to be with a cheater or alone. Don't seel yourself short. Have the courage and conviction to speak up.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): Never snoop; you may find things you didn’t won’t to know. Don’t worry though because he forced you! Yes he did:
You knew sometime was up when two people are dating you get to know each other and their habits and traits. He would even talk to you about it and now we know why. He is a cheater and need to be kicked to the curved, but you a female so you just take this like the rest do, then wonder why you have an STD.
“and what made me even more sick is I looked at the time and date he sent them and realized that the night he sent the texts to her he called me immediately after.” This dude is so low you need to give him a wakeup call, DON’T LET HIM TURN IS CHEATING WAYS ON YOU. He owes you an explaining of what going on or he need to step the freaking h__ out of your life. I would give him 5 min to start explaining after that none is needed. Heck you find any guy to cheat on you.
“I can't really confront him because I basically invaded his privacy by snooping” snooping was bad, but that BS now, he’s running around on you. Cheaters have no privacy, Hell they’re cheating, untrustworthy now you want to show a liar and cheat privacy. He has some explaining to do.
“"cant wait for our long weekend". I really like this guy and don't want to end our relationship. What do I do?” They’re going to be humping why you’re thinking of what to do. Even if you can stop him this time what about the next. You actually don’t have to do anything, it them to get each other off. He’ll come back to you with a smile, pretty happy.
“Once a cheater, always a cheater” you could be the one girl that change this phrase, oh never mind he already cheating.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): Like everyone else on here said, confront him! Sure, you may get a guilt trip from looking through his phone but I understand the feeling of discovering text messages like that. I've been through it. My situation isn't really "sexting", however, it was more of an emotional thing? Just as worse. They would exchange messages quite frequently time to time when I had no knowledge that they were even speaking to one another since he told he he hates her guts and has never spoken to her since so that came off as a surprise. There's more to it but I'm not gonna get into it but definitely confront him about it and see what he says. Use your best judgment. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, cebren +, writes (22 February 2010):
Honestly coming from a guy who has made my own mistakes in the past, you better confront him. "Sex-ting" is indeed a form of cheating. Not physical but emotional. And if he can go as far as doing it over the phone, i assure you he is or will take it further.CONFRONT HIM. If you love him then do it. Tell him you looked through his phone because you have been having a bad feeling lately. I know this seems like a bad idea, but what do you have to lose? You could either live with it, possibly end up getting cheated on, and left. Or you could sit him down like an adult and talk to him about it. Ask him if hes lost interest in you, if he has or considered cheating on you, and go from there.I ruined my relationship with my ex fiance, and i guarantee if she had confronted me about the things she found before hand, i wouldn't have done it. I know it sounds shallow, but sometimes guys get the impression that there is greener grass on the other side, when come to find out.. its nothing but desert. I wish you the best of luck. If you love him you will talk to him. It might cause a fight, but its nothing compared to catching him with another woman.~Brandon
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (22 February 2010):
 Do nothing and sit tight. See no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil.
If you want peace, do nothing but observe with your eyes only.
If you declare war, there will be collateral damage.
He is only your b/f and not married to you yet but you want to imposed your will on him.
If you are not afraid of hurting your relationship with him , go ahead and confront him about it.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (22 February 2010):
 Come clean, tell him you were looking at his texts, ask him what she means by not being able to wait for their long weekend, I would view this as cheating, if you decide you do too, and if you think its going to be a deal breaker as far as the relationship is concerned, ask him if he needed her to "G" him up before he could call you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): You don't want to end your relationship because you are afraid of being alone. And that's ok, but he's not acting honorably and you must drop him. The only reason guys act like this is that women let them get away with it! Sweetie, there is a gem of a person out there somewhere who will be loyal and devoted to you, who will love you with their whole being. Keep looking for the right one and don't give your heart away to sneaky and dishonest guys anymore.
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A
female
reader, Hard_decision +, writes (22 February 2010):
Well first of all there must be a reason why you went through his phone...did you have a suspicion that made you act on it? It is absolutely wrong for him to be sending those types of messages to anyone who isnt you!! By the sounds of it they have planned to spend a long weekend together.. if I were you I would confront him about it. Tell him you felt something was up and you needed proof, therefore you went through his phone. My ex did the same thing, with girls he barely knew...I confronted him and then I had never heard so many bullshit excuses in my life! How long have you guys been dating? If its only early days sweetie I suggest you leave now... my relationship was like this in the early days and I didnt leave..it only got worse and he ended up cheating after 3 years and knocked her up... you really dont want to end up like me with years of your life wasted on someone who doesnt appreciate you. Good luck
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