A
female
age
36-40,
*orngirl
writes:My sex drive has gone to nearly zero the last few months. I think it's linked to him having cheated on me and not feeling fully safe with him, also i feel that i need to have sex with him or i'm giving him a 'reason' to do so again. I know he is sorry and i feel more confident that he really wants to be with me. However when things aren't great his reaction tends to be to run away from it - usually to think about us breaking up, obviously that time he cheated. I think i put the pressure on myself to do it and it doesnt feel safe yet, plus when we have sex when despite me not saying no i'm clearly not into it and he doesn't query this, it makes me feel he doesnt care whether i enjoy it or not and feel used...I guess i've answered my own q to an extent in that to turn this around i need to feel safe enough not to have sex with him and it not to be an expectation on my part or his that we 'should' and be sure that nothing bad will come of not doing it, otherwise i'll continue to think of it as something i 'should' do and something that isn't enjoyable rather than the fun, special, safe bond between us it used to be..However, are there any other tips people can give to raise my sex drive? It's not anything to do with him in terms of how i feel about how he looks, i still think he's the hottest guy i know.
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cheated on me, sex drive Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 February 2010):
Don't have sex with him for his benefit. He let you down and has to prove himself now. You both need to work through your problems. If he has cheated, it must be dealt with. Rather than focus on the sex,, focus on going out together, having fun together and just being a couple. If he ever cheats again, dump him.
A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (22 February 2010):
 You do not explain the nature of this relationship, such as whether married, boyfriend, live-in or whatever, but it's obvious by your post that he is self-centered and self-serving. That's what you've got there.
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