A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Any advice for maintaining a friendship with a potential love interest? I have fallen head over heels for someone, but neither of us are in a position of getting into a relationship. He lost his job and is living with his parents, and I am in the process of ending a long-term relationship with a live-in boyfriend. I want to do things right the next time around, and that includes spending enough time on my own before getting into a new relationship. My question is whether it is possible to maintain a friendship with this person while postponing a romantic relationship for at least a year. Should I just wait until we are both ready before seeing him? I think starting a friendship first might build a strong relationship, but I also think the attraction is so strong that being just friends might be difficult. And I cannot imagine what we could do together with groups of people because we do not really have any mutual friends. Would it be okay to suggest coffee once a month or something, or would that be too weird or too long of an interval? I also worry about his being vulnerable, and I feel like if I try to see him as just a friend, it could stir up his emotions too much. Any thoughts on the best way to handle this?
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female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (2 September 2013):
 Umm, how long is a piece of string? So how long is the right amount of time to wait? Why a year? How is that a magic time frame?1)You're both attracted to each other.2)What does it matter that he has no job at the moment and is living with his parents?3) The only issue here is that you're "in the process" of ending a long term relationship! Does that mean you don't want to be with your current guy but haven't bothered to tell him yet?Stop looking for excuses to not do something. You need to decide what you want. If it's this new guy? Then end it NOW with your current guy, he surely deserves that.Then support the new b/f in getting back on his feet as a friend and see where it leads.You can't switch love on and off, it will either happen or it won't. In the meantime make sure you're doing the right thing by those effected by the fall out.I hope things work out AB x
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 August 2013):
 it will be nearly impossible to 'be friends' if you both want more and you are setting arbitrary time frames because you think you should and have nothing holding you back from moving forward.
I would be casual friends in touch... and NOT fight it when you are both free and ready to go for it if it happens.
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