A
female
age
30-35,
*adyariez
writes:I'm in a long-distance relationship. I'm in the US, he's in the UK. We've been together for over 10 months and in the course of that time we've only shown each other a photo, and as of recently started texting each other. We met online, and have talked via YIM almost everyday. For most of the time we've been together, he's been scared to show me how he looks, or sounds because he's mainly scared of disappointing me. That's at least what he says, so I've been the one to initiate photo sharing, and phone number sharing to try and build that relationship. I care about him dearly, and vice versa. He loves to treat me like a princess, will virtually show his displays of affection and I even have a trip planned this summer (July) to visit him. But he's still scared about meeting me, for the same reason as mentioned. A part of him says he wants to because he thinks it will be great, another part doesn't because he doesn't want to disappoint me. I've already told him that I like him for who he is, as he says the same but he's still nervous and unsure. I want to ask him for a videochat soon, just to see if maybe that will help unnerve him. It will also help solidify some integrity in who he is, at least before I go visit him. So I need advice, he says its because of "disappointment", mind you we've even talked about a life together soon. Where I have a little more freedom to relocate over there, and even discussed having children together. I feel its serious, and he says he's just as attached. Is asking for videochat too much too soon? What can I do to help him see he wouldn't disappoint me? Or is this a red flag and I can't even see it? I really am falling for him, so I need a pair of clear eyes to see what I don't, or just verify something for me. Thanks!
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female
reader, ladyariez +, writes (10 April 2012):
ladyariez is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, all very valid responses. I have seen a picture of him, I did end up talking to him about video chatting and it will happen. As I have mentioned, he has repeatedly commented on being nervous about disappointing me, but as both jannie and bronzed pointed out, it could very well mean he might be hiding something. Video chatting will end those doubts once and for all and the fact that it will happen does help. Just because it will cement this relationship, as the last two responses commented. It definitely didn't sound realistic, but we're slowly turning it that way and with time we'll see if this is really what we want.
I think this fear might just be because he doesn't want to ruin our relationship, in case its not what either one expected. Again you all have valid responses then that's not a relationship at all. I realize this, so first thing's first, once I've seen him, heard him I can more realistically see where this is heading.
I do appreciate all of your responses though.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 April 2012):
 you've talked about a lief together with someone you have not seen or met?
not very realistic I'm afraid.
ten months and you've not talked to him with voices?
ten months and you've not video chatted or talked on the phone
have you seen a picture of him at all?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2012): sorry to tell you this, but it seems you are not living in the real world.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis  +, writes (7 April 2012):
 You mentioned you have shown each other a photo. You know what he looks like then? There is not much you can really be sure about here. Myself, I wouldnt be shocked if I found out he`s twice the age he says he is, or something even worse. It is not a long distance relationship, it is a cyber one. He is afraid to let you see him and theres a reason for that.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 April 2012):
 Make a list of things you can accept or not accept in physical appearance, health, things that might pass onto children, etc. He wants to have a good time and doesn't want you to be shocked when you see him. You have to love him enough so that it doesn't matter if he is 400 pounds or missing an eye. Just prepare for the worst. You are the one flying over so he just wants to make sure you are not wasting money and time. You still have a right to take a look at his picture before deciding to go.
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