A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my husband and i have been together for almost 7 years but married for almost 5 years and he left me for the second time in augest and he is another state and has a girlfriend but keeps calling me and says he is will to work things out but dont think it will work and still has a girlfriend . but he set rules for me to follow and not to ask him no questions and he want me to come out there where he is for the weekend when his girlfriend is away so she wouldnt know heis talking about getting a place together in about 4 or 5 months and filing taxes together yet doesnt want nobody to know about us and i wanted to know if he is just playing or using me and what i should do . i love my husband and i want to be with him but i not sure if this is want he really wants or what please help me with this i really need some advice on this .
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (11 October 2008):
 he is playing the field. i don't like having to say that, but i believe in the truth, even if it's not the outcome we would like.
Here's the deal. He's married to you, has a girlfriend (which is adultery until a divorce is final). He wants you to spend a weekend with him to cheat on the girlfriend he's cheating on you with.
He's giving you a set of rules to follow, and what gives him that right? He doesn't respect you or your marriage. He doesn't have any respect for his girlfriend either. With that being said, if you continue with him, by his past with you, you can see how your future would be as well. How long are you willing to let him have who he wants and expect you to remain on the side?
You deserve to be loved, without worrying who your partner is with, if they're coming home or changing their mind again. Marriage is a commitment, which seems to be taken lightly by too many people.
If I were to get married, once I said "I do", that's it. At not time would I say I don't, just because someone else is attractive. You don't run away, or take breaks just because today wasn't as great as the day before.
I hope all works out for you, but I really feel it's not going to with the one your married to now.
A
female
reader, Cyg79 +, writes (11 October 2008):
 Red flag one. He's setting rules to follow. This indicates you are not equals but rather your second to him. (or maybe its a game, I mean games have set rules too.) Red Flag Two. He's keep things secret, indicating hes manipulative. Red Flag three he has a girl friend and is married to you. These are all deal breakers in my book of "people I would consider for life partners". I would dump him. Any one not willing to commit them-self to one person is not someone I would waist my effort and my life on.
Be strong trust your instinct and as hard as it maybe, one persons love is not enough. (A relationship take two.) You deserve better then this, but you are the one that needs to take the steps to make it so. I'm rooting for you in whatever you decided.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2008): You really need to do yourself a favour and get out of this relationship. It is doing you no good at all and as hard as it is to accept, you should move on for your own good. Its so hard to do but really think about yourself here
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (11 October 2008):
 Nice guy! Why would you want him when he is capable of doing all that behind his girlfriends back?
If he really wanted to get back with you, surely he would of ended it with the girlfriend. All sounds a bit suss to me.
C xxxxx
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