A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have trust issues because of my past, I'm in a ldr with a wonderful girl and I try to do things all right this time. my councellor suggested me to stop asking about her whereabouts and whit whom is she hanging out with. she also suggested to have a lufe of my own, yo go out with friends more often and its exacytly what I did. my gf went out on thursday and came back home very late. I didn't ask anything. on friday she went to another town to spend the night at a girls night out with her friends. I didn't ask anything. from my side I went out with friends on friday, Saturday and Sunday. we skype everyday but because of us going out we haven't been able to see each other. my gf is pissed at me, why? I don't know and she has given me the cold shoulder. I told her if she wants to talk could do it tonight, she says she is busy. can somebody explain me what the heck is going on?
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (13 August 2013):
 Well it sounds like she should have been sufficiently filled in as to what you are working through and towards. I guess she's just upset because she's not used to you going out and not contacting her like usual? Like I said though, that's pretty hypocritical. She gets to go out and you don't ask questions, but you aren't allowed the same?
Since she knows what you're working on, she should absolutely be more supportive of you and be grateful for your good progress. Not hinder you by making you feel bad for doing what your counselor (and her) suggested you do to help yourself - go out and have a life.
I'm sure this will blow over. She's just being a passive aggressive female. She got her panties in a wad and rather than communicating, choose to play the "I'm upset and gonna pout, but gonna tell you nothing's wrong til you chase after me" game. Give me a break. She will get over it. But you need to set boundaries that you stick to. That you WILL continue to go out with friends and work on yourself. And that you expect her to be understanding because that's what relationships are about. Also, though, hear her out and see if there's something you can do to help her adjust.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): original poster: @ lifton: we recently had a problem because of my lack of trust, however I don't come across at being posesive or controlling so I had to come clean and explained her about my lack of trust because my last relationship and childhood issues. I had to told her about my choice of seeking a councellor to help me solve my issues because I love her very much. she was considerate and understood of the pain that I'm going thru. Ive been in therapy around a year. this confession was on tuesday and everything happened since thursday. I wrote her something on fb, hopefully we can discuss what's going on soon. my therapist wants to see us together when she comes on her nect visit. she said she would like to discuss a few things with us.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (13 August 2013):
Have you discussed any of the things you've talked about in therapy with her? Have you shared these things with her?
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (13 August 2013):
So she wants you to trust her and not ask questions, but you're not allowed to expect the same in return? You seem like you're doing great and making a lot of progress. It takes a lot of effort and hard work to work on bettering yourself like that so good for you!
Sounds like she doesn't like getting the treatment in return. She wants to be able to go out and do what she wants without question, but she wants you to account for your every step. She's not being fair and she's not helping you in your counseling to achieve your goals.
She's pouting because she got a taste of her own medicine. She now knows what it feels like to be in your shoes and she doesn't like it.
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