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female
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frogelle
writes: Hi,My boyfriend has always watched porn and I only have a problem with it because it makes me feel inadeqaute. Is it normal for all men to watch porn? (he is 34)I am particularly worried now because he has just set up the internet and I know he will be sitting there all night watching it. I can't tell him how I feel as he says "all blokes do it" but it doesn't make me feel better. What can I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2008): I am so grossed out by my boyfriend watching porn while im in the same room as him doing something else!! And I dont think anyone can say its because Im not active enough/trying enough new things in the bedroom, we have a very active sex life and seems to be very satisfying, so why is this going on !? Why does he have to lie about another thing ?? Why cant he just tell me why he is looking at "teen asian porn" It makes me feel really disturbed about him, and like I dont know him!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008): please all the girls who have said they are upset, dont just accept the lame excuse its the Norm. if other girls are willing to accept less then thats their problem. if it makes u feel bad remember you are worth the best. do you want the rest of your life with a lying idiot who cant keep his hands off himself? i have been hurt by a partner lying about porn, and it wasnt ok. some ppl said just accept it but i didnt. and im not alone or some sad girl who is a control freak. guys like me and probablly all other girls who commented. Keep expectations high and get the guy you were looking for, not some loser in front of a screen
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2008): I know exactly what you guys are feeling and its horrible.
Im with such a fantastic guy, he is so caring and loving and really respects women and is just great.
We have been together for 5 years and i know that he watches porn, he watched dit more when we were first together, i think thats because he was so used to watching it while he was single, and he couldn't break the habit.
I did tell him that it made me feel uncomfortable and we had a few fights about it so he slowed down with watching it a lot.
Without sounding shallow, i consider myself to be very attractive, i have done some modeling and i know guys think im attractive.
However porn makes me feel just so unsexy.
Like someone mentioned above, it make you feel unsexy and you feel like you cant just have normal enjoyable sex, you feel like you have to have porn sex, which is all an act, but im guessing that my boyfriend watches it because normal sex dosnt cut it for him when he just wants to cum.
So now that he has seen so much fake sex and fake pleasure, then im sure that he has become accustomed to it.
Not to mention the poses that the girls do and all the 5 hours of preening and fake hair and fake boobs and fake tan and makeup and high heels and fake moaning and staring at the camera and fake moaning, heck how can i compete with that! I dont have fake hair or nails or wear make up to bed, and im not going to moan like a moron as id wake the neighbours as our walls are so thin, and half the positions that the girls do in porn offer no real stimulation for them, hence why its all an act. So yeh porn just annoys me.
It creates a unrealistic ideal that i cant compare to nor do i want to.
Every porn star that ie ever seen interiewd has said that when they go home and have real sex with their partners they just have normal sex, nothing like what they do in the pornos. So yeh just goes to show its all fantasy.
So yeh i cant be a fantasy, the only guys i am a fantasy to are the guys that i walk past in the street. Seems once you are actually in relationship with guy that fantasy goes and they need to find it else where.
It does make wonder if thats why so so so many women are getting surgery and dressing in very short skirts etc these days, i think that they have fallen to the pressure of not feeling good enough from porn and mens magazines and so they have tried to be the same as the girls in those images.
Anyhow what can we do, guys will keep on watching it, no matter what.
But yeh nothing makes me feel less sexy and diserable than knwoing my boyfriend is getting off over some complete stranger thats putting a act on for the camera.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): Hey. Happy to find that other gf's are sick and tired of this, my boyfriend says he doesnt watch it but ive found it on his history a few times, he admitted it once to me and for some reason i ended up apologizing for being upset about it, i really wish i hadnt! The thing that bothers me most is the fact that he's watching some other guy getting sex, i dont understand it, he doesnt even have the volume on so its not the noises or anything, and, well, i just dont get it tbh, why you would want to see another man getting inside a girl when you arnt, it makes me not want to sleep with him now, when i think about it all i can think about is some slag bending over and it makes me feel sick! I suppose im being stupid but thats just me! but when you are in the same room, that's not on, you deserve better! I've been with my bf for 3 years and when I confronted him recently he said he couldnt be bothered with my moaning about it and basically that he didnt care about what i thought, it does hurt so much, I feel like he's cheating, but I wont be hessitating to chat up the next hot guy I see when I'm clubbing, see how he feels! He can cheat his way, I will cheat mine!
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female
reader, messybess  +, writes (28 May 2008):
Everyone I know exactly how you feel. In a word "inadequate". I'm only 22 with a nice body so why is he on the computer all the time. And seriously it is at a second to second basis, we live together! and as soon as i fall asleep or leave for a moment to cook dinner he is on. but what is worse is that he lies about it too! I catch him doing it after he tells me he is not, and more often than not it is on his computer's history whenever he tells me he hasn't done anything. Sometimes when I just fell asleep I hear the laptop already being pulled out and the pants unzip... sorry i know - gross. but seriously! I'm laying right there? And I'm not even a minute asleep, geez it is so inconsiderate. I don't mind when I'm on my period, but when I'm not on my period why turn so quickly to other women pictures?? I hate being lied to and snuck around... if this is such a popular thing for men... then why do i feel so personally insulted and attacked by it???
By the way I feel soooooo good that you all are going through this too, sometimes I feel like the only one.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): I feel exactly the same as the girl who posted on 8 October 2007. every single word of it.
I been struggling alot in my relationship because of this. about a year ago me and my boyfriend had an abortion. i had to wait 2-3 weeks before having sex again. about two weeks into it, my bf keeped asking if we could do it. i said no because i didnt wanna get hurt inside. next thing i know i wake up and hes jerking off to porn right next to me. i cannot even explain how much that hurt me until today. i not only had to go through all that emotional pain because of the abortion but he hurt me even more by doing this. i felt so bad and so worthless since he did it, that i decided to have sex b4 i was told. it hurted me so much i started bleeding after. i never told him. i just wanted to satisfy him. i didnt wanna feel so inadeqaute.
i know im very attractive. guys hit on me all the time, theres no day that i dont get hit on. this makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes. i respect my bf alot. i love him alot too im 100% loyal to him. people often ask me why im with him, they often say im way to hot for him. but most of the time he makes me feel so worthless. i try my hardest to satisfy him and i know i do. i give him blow jobs everyday. i look my best everytime i see him. sometimes when i have sex with him i cannot even get fricky enough cuz he comes too fast. if i do someting new he comes in 2 seconds so it really sucks. i really love him thats why im with him. he lies to me way too much. i looked in the history the other day to see if he went on it, and he did. i confronted him about it and he denied it. its so stupid. he keeped lieing to my face when i already knew the truth. he even said it was a "virus" that was on the computers history. which is completly bullshit. it drives me crazy how he keeps lieing to my face like im stupid. sometimes i feel like a hacker cuz hes so stupid. i dont want to break up with him, but he brings my confidence down so much. my selfs teem is on the floor ever since i met him. just because i dont have tripple D's and my hair isnt bleach blonde.
he says " your dumping me just because of porn" pfft excuse me?. i wish there was a way to make him understand that this is destroying me completely.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2008): Can any guy tell me though why a man would need to look at pics of other naked women, when he already has a girlfriend who he could look at any time? I just don't get it?!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2008): My bf watches porn regually, i dont have a problem with this at all, but it does make me feel inadequate when im in the house and he's jerking off to it. I really dont have any issues with it if im out or away (its the norm really) but when im in the room next door it makes me feel horrible like im obviously not doing something right and it emphasizes all the insecuritys i have with myself, esspecially when we have sex then just a few hours later he's getting off over porn.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): As a woman, I would like to assure you that every guy I know and some girls (including myself) enjoy watching porn on a regular basis. If a guy tells you he doesn't he's probably lying or repressed. My boyfriend watches porn quite frequently, and I don't have any problem with it, in fact, I think it's good for him to do it! It makes him more creative in bed with me, and also keeps him occupied if I'm too busy. Since I watch it myself, I can tell you that it really has no effect on how I interact with my partner - it's a fantasy, nothing more, and it satisfies a different need than actual sex. It's also much easier if you're just horny and need to let off some steam.
You shouldn't worry at all about being inadequate...just because pornstars look a certain way doesn't mean that's the way you should look or that guys wished you looked that way. In fact, they're probably glad you don't since no one wants to date a dirty tramp (even if she's hot!). Your boyfriend is obviously attracted to you or he wouldn't be dating you, so relax! Not only does he not hide it from you, he's also definitely not cheating on you...you should try what everyone else said: get involved and watch it together. You might find that you enjoy it!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): slyly take a lead from the modem ;)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): My boyfriend watches porn behind my back and it hurts me alot. I have confronted him about it time and time again and he says he wont do it behind my back but he continues to do it. I am in my 20´s and considered by many to be good looking but his pornwatching makes me feel ugly. We have been together for 3 years and our sex life used to be very good but nowadays I just dont want to have sex with him. He doesnt seem to care about my feelings regarding the porn and I dont think he understands the damage its causing. Nowadays its more to do with the lies than the porn. He says he is not going to let me control him because all other girls understands that all men watches porn. I dont think he is in his right to expect me to have sex with him when he doesnt treat me with respect. I feel like I cant compete with women with huge breasts and so on. I am not as equiped as they are and he knows this is a confidence issue for me. I cry sometimes when I find him out and I wish I could be as cold as him, so it wouldnt be a problem for me. I know a few of you say that its good to watch the porn with the man but even if I wanted to he does it behind my back and I cant seem to make him become honest about it. Its ruining my trust, my love and our relationship. I wonder if im wasting my time trying to change something that is just a typical-male thing or if im wasting my time in a relationship with a bad boyfriend.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): hi,
no they don't although those that don't are in a small minority now because porn has become too easily accessible.
my partner is a porn addict, which over the years has caused serious problems in our relationship because of the lies leading to issues with trust. Other problems are the fact that at times porn has seemed to become more important to him than his family (we have a young son & another on the way) & especially more important than my feelings.
his watching porn makes me feel inadequate and apprehensive about having sex because he would have unrealistic demands and expectations in the bedroom dept. i used to feel like instead of enjoying sex, i had to perform to try to compete with the porn which is impossible because porn is nothing but peverse fantasy.
sex should be something enjoyed by two people in a loving relationship with no demands or expectations - porn demeans & destroys this.
my partner is finally starting to realise he has a problem, but i think we have a long way to go.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007): congratulation ladies who advised the girl to share the joy ( hahaha very funny) of pornography with her boy friend.
well i tell you something, men who watch porn end up by having a lack for a real sex a real joy of sex, because watching pornography getting escited masturbating for seeing another ( human being if they are normal human being) having his orgasm and that's it he wont feel like want to go bed with his partner to satisfy her as a real man, or you girls who watch with your partner try to know that even you make (sex and not love with them in front of a tv or net screen) be sure that he is getting horny not for you but for what he watches so at the end you girls who advised the lady to watch with him are either mad hopeless you got lead by the devil to this side or simply you are sad people inside you because at to be honest, our life is short and there are plenty of things more intresting to do, why not enjoy a real good sex with my partner in bed under the table in the greenhouse ...etc instead og getting stuck in front of a tv or dvd imagining my self fucking this or this bitch.
besides you should feel ashamed, because most of these women are exploied , they are either under a high drug system or have had a bad childhood.
sweety i advise you to not follow this crowd you wont be happy at 56 if you will live so
a reader
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007): im an air hostess and am away long hours and for days at a time and my boyfreind has this collection of porn in our cupboard he says he doesnt watch and that it is his brothers but im not stupid to be honest i hate it it makes me feel ugly and like im not good enough, some times when i confront him about it he calls me paraniod and he gets on the defencive and we end up arguing about it, i know that its silly to get upset because its not going to change matters but sometimes i cant help feeling the way do i suppose not being home as much as i could be makes me feel insecure so i no exactly how your feeling and each time i see its been used or i can just tell i have deal with it in different ways, most of the time to avoid arguments i bite my lip and dont say anything and just hope if i dont moan hell just grow out of it because i no if i moan hell just do it more, i hope we can both get over this someday just dont let it get you down like i have let it get me down, best wishes nic x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2005): I would be more concerned about his apparent lack of attention to your feelings than the fact he watches porn - and i have to say that i think anyone who says they don't EVER only doesn't because of the social taboo - not because they don't or woudln't enjoy it. I am a girl and I love it - but in privacy - without my boyfriend. it is a fantasy world that turns me on completely seperately of my boyfriend and that is just the way it is for some people. i would suggest you would enjoy it together because he feels so comfortable about speaking about it with you - even at the risk of hurting your feelings - which he so obviously does. Don't feel inadaquate though - i promise you - it has nothing to do with gorgeous bodies - it's just a sex thing. for instance, i particularly like fat old blokes going for it - but in real life - no thanks!
anyway - hope my honest answer has helped!
good luck and don't ever feel inadaquate - totally wasted emotion. there will always be someone funnier/sexier/more beautiful than you - but it doesn't matter as long as you're happy with yourself! x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2005): Certainly, not all guys or gals watch porn. In fact, many find the whole thing either laughable or just embarrassing. Those who do, whilst in a relationship, are most likely to be on fire for when the are with their partners.
However, I myself would feel uncomfortable if my gf was watchin porn. I think if you ARE in that situation, try not to let it get to you. In fact, try to encourage more activity and experimentation in the bedroom - that should divert his attention!
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female
reader, Pinky Poos +, writes (28 September 2005):
The answer is not just that men watch porn, a lot of women do to, and it's perfectly normal. People do seem to have a hang up about whether or not they are inadaquate if their partner watches porn and this is a waste of time. Why start to doubt yourself just because your partner enjoys porn. When we watch porn, we are not trying to find things that our partners cannot offer us, far from it. Sadly, porn is still seen as a taboo subject and thought of as 'Rude' but it is a fantastic source of foreplay to use together in a relationship too. Why not ask your partner if you could watch porn together. When we sit and watch porn in front of a telly our mind and conscience still tells us it is a rude and naughty pleasure we are indulging in and that is half the thrill. The fact that he does not hide it from you means that he feels comfortable in your relationship. You should talk to your man though and explain your insecurities. This man is the other half of you and should at least be given the chance to reassure you. Good luck honey!
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male
reader, Quantum_Tantrum +, writes (20 September 2005):
As a guy myself, I can honestly tell you that not all guys watch porn. I don't. I personally feel that it's a wasted exercise that only serves to reinforce negative attitudes towards women (that is, seeing only the physical side of women, and not the emotional side). Sure, I have watched porn before, but only when I was a teenager, and burning up with curiosity.
I think you should try to find out what attracts your boyfriend to porn, what he gets out of it, and then adress those issues.
Just remember that porn, like anything else in life, is a gray matter, not split into black and white.
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female
reader, Delila +, writes (20 September 2005):
Hi,
I know how you feel as I have been through something similar, porn can cause major problems in relationships, however it can be worked out. When it comes to porn sometimes a compromise can be reached. I hope that your guy is sensitive to the way you feel about it. You need to tell him that while you don't demand that he stop watching it that you want to tell him how it makes you feel, that you feel like you could never compete with the beautiful young girls they have in porn movies ( which by the way if you watch porn you will see that some of them are really quite ordinary) Airbrused pics of young beautiful women are harder to deal with though because like you said they can make us feel not good enough. I would recomend watching it with him and giving him pleasure while he watches it too, he will think you are the coolest girlfriend in the world. Believe it or not it can be quite a turn on! This sounds a bit strange but its is kind of satisfing knowing that you have something to do with his erection. Watching porn on his own might not compare after that. Also it might help if when he watched it he would maybe point out how such a ones boobs are like yours or that such a one reminds him of you. I don't know why this makes a woman feel better but it does. You could try telling him that it would be ok if you could do it together then it might enhance the relationship or he could do it when you are not at home but ask him would he please not stay up all night watching it as you get lonely in bed by yourself. Just a word of warning, if you are going to watch it with him and you think yeach about something he is watching or feel like criticising his choice of veiwing, he may not choose to share in the future.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2005): Non of my partners watch porn and if they did it was always with me. They always said whats the point in watching porn if your girl isn't with you! So I don't think it is normal!
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reader, pops +, writes (19 September 2005):
A large majority of both men and women admit to having watched XXX rated videos, and movies in their lives, according to surveys done at the request of defense lawyers who represent defendants in porn prosecution cases. Not all. But that is not relevant. What is important is how he respects your feeling about the matter, and why you feel threatened by porn. Porn represents a fantasy world, where people do things that mere mortals mostly cannot do. As long as viewers see it for what it is- entertainment- and not look it as a graduate course in sex, it is no problem. However, if people fixate on it, then it will disrupt their lives, just as any other addiction will do. Most couples look at porn movies they rent to spice up their sex lives, and rev up the engines. They watch together. Talk to him about joining him in watching porn as a couple. Most new viewers are surprised to see some of the stuff that is done, not knowing that such things could be done by anyone! So, don't be surprised that you may find some things shocking. There are educational videos out there, like the Better Sex series from the Sinclair Intimacy Institute, that can teach you both how to have a healthier attitude about sex, and a better sex life. Check AdamEve.com, and other websites to find these and other instructive videos. Most of them are very good.
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