A
male
age
,
*bester69
writes:My wife is divorcing me after 12 years.We've had ups and downs but no abuse, alcohol or drug problems. The biggest problem probably is depression in both of us. She is on anti depressant and I only started a few weeks ago, I'm 57 and know I should have been for years. My who is 46 has been premenopausal for about a year and will soon be starting the pill for hormonal balance. We've had severe financial problems also but agree neither of us is more to blame.On the good side we've always had such a deep love for each other and have been best friends.We both enjoyed our time together and always deeply missed each other. Our love was so true that people would often comment "they just beam when they are together.She abruptly broke it to me after another financial set back, that she was done, she still loves me but it doesn't feel the same. She left me a couple of weeks later and filed for divorce in march and it will be final in a few days. Early on we communicated to some degree. I couldn't let go and kept emailing etc., I misinterpreted something she said as a sign of working it out but I was wrong. Now she will respond to me in no way and hasn't for 5 weeks. I was already depressed before the split and now am as low as I've been in my life.My question is this. Considering the depressions, hormones and finances, is it wrong of me to believe or hope that once we get ourselves healthy that feelings may return and reconciliation be possible.
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female
reader, LW  +, writes (5 May 2011):
Hi,
Clearly the problem is that you both suffer from severe depression, and I do feel that if you were both better then why shouldn't you be together in an otherwise healthy and happy marriage?
Most relationships have money troubles at some point, some can survive the strain it puts on the relationship and some can't. But from the info you've provided us with I can see no reason that you's shouldn't!
Give her a little space if that is what she needs right now.But take care of yourself, and you could maybe use this time for self improvement.
Do you eat well, are you active? -I really hope so!
- This is one of the most effective and quickest ways to overcome depression when it creeps up on you.
Go for walks in the parks everyday, get outside, get enough rest but not too much, don't eat crap. Snack on bananas, nuts and dark chocolate in moderation. Doing all of the above will raise your levels or serotonin, a happy hormone and you will not feel as blue.
Focusing on something else other than your break up will help. Focus on the positive. Family members, any friends you have. Create positivity. Set yourself targets, goals. Be ambitious. Play golf!!! :)
Find a new lease of life that has been missing from your's!
In helping yourself you may potentially help your relationship with your wife. Two depressives rarely survive together. The Depressed person needs someone opposite of who they are to make their life seems brighter.
Having depression on depression is not good.
I hope this helps :)
By the way I would like to add that I have suffered from depression on and off my entire life from a very young age, I always heal myself with the above suggestions provided to yourself. You should have the strength to fight it off when it sneaks up on you again.
Have hope :) Good luck
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (5 May 2011):
 No one can tell you that it is wrong for you to hope. You still love each other right? Then there is always hope. You may not reconcile soon but later in life when you are both better. Financial troubles have a way of creeping through the unseen cracks in even the best relationships, so if you can, focus on mending those financial troubles instead of this divorce, it'll help.
I hope that helps.
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