A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, Im. 25 yrs old and married for 2 yrs and been together for 8 yrs . Im a doctor and have a a very hectic life . My husband has always been the guy who likes his alone time , and " space " . I get about a sunday or two free in a month rest of the days im working . So on those days i expect him to spend time with me to go out etc . Somedays he does relectantly . And the other days he goes to his parents placeto visits friends etc . This has been my problem . Is it wrong fpr me to expect that he spend time with me atleaston those 2 3 days a month ? The problem now is he wanted to go out with his friends last week when i had two days off . He went to work one day and the next day with his friends . He lied to me saying he was going to work the next day when he actually went out with his friends . I came to know this when i happened to read his texts and i confronted him . He denied initially and later agreed and made an issue as to how i had been sneaky . Im losing my sanity now . The bigger issue has been ignored while me being sneaky has become the issue .what do i do .
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 January 2011):
 Maybe you could (when you DO have some time to talk about this) can sit down with him and PLAN what to do on your days off TOGETHER!
I agree with CaringGuy that it is odd that he doesn't want to spend more time with you. Seems to me like he is punishing you for working so hard, but I could be wrong.
A
male
reader, HelpyMcHelperson  +, writes (27 January 2011):
Talk to your husband, you are not being a nag by expecting him to spend the few chances that you have to be together with you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): I don’t expect many women to like this, any of it. Is he a football fan? Because for most guys who do like football in the USA Sunday is football day during the fall and winter and football can be a big fun way to spend the day with likeminded friends. But if Sunday is the only day that you’re free during the entire week he should probably try to spend some time with you. If you two have totally different schedules that's a problem, and not his fault, it's a fine line to walk between spending time with your lover and letting yourself feel like your disappearing because you have to sacrifice everything else you enjoy to do so. If you can't have some sort of structured work schedule it's hard to say that your husband should always leave his Sunday’s free or change his plans last minute. I mean, at that point he's been relegated to feeling like a spare tire that you may or may not need. You should just have a nice, calm, easy, talk with your husband about your expectations (and don't go through his phone unless you’re looking to start a battle or thinks he's having an affair because no one likes being stalked by a lover, married or not, you may even should consider apologizing about that as a way to broach the conversation). The unavoidable fact is that if your working 6 days week and it's a hectic schedule than your job is coming before your husband. Your career is important, but you made a choice and I am not accusing you of not loving your husband or even caring more about work than your marriage but the demands of your profession are real and significant and will put a strain on your relationship, which is not your husband’s fault.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah im planning to d things to keep myself occupied , the fact is i trust him so much . But a few mths back when he was out on a trip i wanted some info frm his computer which he had left at home . I asked him for the passwrd and he refused to give it to me . I still dont think he is cheating on me but over all in a marriage u lie abt going out with friends and also dont give ur computer password isnt ithuman to feel lost after so many yrs of love and trust ?
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A
female
reader, melomat  +, writes (27 January 2011):
 Men who believe in space and alone time are difficult to deal with. My husband is like that i feel like i don't know him anymore. We don't laugh or have sex as often as we used to. It hurts to be neglected if talking to him hasn't worked find things to occupy yourself with. Join a social club visit friends just distance yourself slowly that way you're less likely to get hurt. I'm trying the same thing it's hard but it pays of.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 January 2011):
I think you need to seriously talk about your marriage. In no way is it natural for a married man to seriously avoid his wife this much, and lie to her about where he is. You have a few days off, yet he won't spend them with you. What husband does that?
I think you need to talk about where your marriage is going, because it doesn't sound like it means anything to him at all.
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