A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I've been with my girlfriend for 7 months now and recently when we've been away from each other I keep having this tiny inkling that something's changed. However, when we're together that all goes and I want to hold her, kiss her etc and we do. I fall in love again. Is something changing or is it the abscence that causes this?Our uni year's just come to an end so we've both been extremely stressed so maybe it's that. I'm also worried about my results. I guess what I'm asking is is this normal and/or related to the stress? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2013): You have a temporary bout of separation anxiety and miss her when she is away. Everyone deserves space in a relationship. Be careful, your relationship is in it's infancy! Things are supposed to change. You don't always feel the euphoric bliss like when you first met. That's fairytale love. Let's be a little more mature, shall we?It is not good for your relationship to be clingy or insecure; so I recommend that you ignore the feeling and keep your mind occupied with positive thoughts. I say this because you may decide to verbalize your suspicions to her, and this could cause an unnecessary rift.I don't think stress is the culprit, I think you feel a little insecure. You have a fear of abandonment. Somewhere in the past, someone you loved very deeply left you for whatever reason. That may have been by death, rejection, or a voluntary situation involving distance.The residual feelings return when your girlfriend is absent; because you never quite dealt with that loss.You seem to be projecting the fear of loss onto your present relationship. Do all that you can to resist it.It has nothing to do with her.If you recently broke up with someone, and you quickly entered another relationship; you may not be completely healed. You may have entered a new relationship on the rebound, or never got over an ex. You don't offer any details. Just that you feel a tiny inkling something has changed. Normally they do.If there was an old breakup, loss of a loved one, or you feel things are changing, just think in the present. Do something that makes you feel good to distract yourself.Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship. Don't place the burden of your anxieties on her shoulders. It isn't fair. Insecurity forces people to demand constant reassurance. This can stress a relationship until it breaks.When your mind starts wondering, take a walk. Pick up a good book, or go to the gym for a good workout. Call a friend or your mother. This is not a good time to bother her; because you're teaching yourself to deal with her absence without anxiety. Don't smother her with love. Just kill the worry with constructive activity. Have a health shake or herbal tea. The worry/angst will fade, and your mind will reward you with calmness.You may also consider yoga and/or meditation. These remedies will keep your mind clear and lower stress. The problem is; if it goes unresolved it becomes contagious.Then everyone around you will sense your tension.There is nothing wrong with you, or your relationship.A little fear happens to all of us in a new relationship. Don't let a case of the "what if's" drive you (or her) crazy.Be mature, keep a positive attitude, don't place a lot of unrealistic expectations on your girlfriend; and all will be well.
|
