A
male
age
30-35,
*ebro1992
writes:hi, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me recently. We didnt fight much, I didn't do anything extremely wrong and it's fair to say the break up was out of the blue. It was because she wants to be single.she said she wanted space and I found it hard giving it her, but now I am she keeps texting me. The texts are all inconsistent. She keeps saying different things to me and it's messing with my head. She says she still loves me and i love her too. I want her back and she says she still wants to be friends, tbh she's my best friend and I can tell her anything. However I don't think I can get over her if we were still friends.So the question is; is it sensible to stay friends or not? As I want her back and this friendship could cause false hope.
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female
reader, Babs1  +, writes (2 March 2012):
You probably won't get over her if your still in contact, at least not for a while, going through confusion and heart ache the whole time.
Best thing to do for yourself, and her, is to not respond to her texts or calls, maybe tell her ahead of time you'll do this, or just stop, either way. An important part of dating is learning how to break up when its not working and it does get easier.
Her continuance to contact you is selfish. She is using you for the affection and attention you'll show her, without intention to give any of it back to you. Give her the space she wants and don't let her use you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2012): Sorry to hear about your break-up...
To answer your question, I think it would be best to have NC (No Contact). Why? She broke up with you and she said she wants to be SINGLE.
Originally you found it hard giving her space, but now that you do, she initiates contact. It's normal after a year to have deep seated feelings for each other, so even though she wants freedom, she is confused by the feelings of the past year.
You both acknowledge you love each other, but whey you say you want her back, she says she still wants to be friends.
This is all very clear. She wants her freedom.
The best is to give her space, complete freedom, and have no contact. That way, she has time to think and consider what she really wants.
Make it clear to her you only want her to contact you if she changes her mind and wants to resume the relationship, anything else (friendship) you would prefer to cut ties as it hurts you too much, and does not allow you to heal from the broken heart. Especially as YOU still want her. Perhaps one day you may feel differently, but for now so that it does not mess with your mind, for your own sanity, no contact until she knows what she really wants.
In the meantime, she risks losing you, because who knows what tomorrow holds, and you might find someone who feels about you, the way you feel about her. Don't hold out for someone who now only wants friendship.
Turn to your family, friends, hobbies, sport and interests. Fill your life with things that make you happy, so that you can slowly process the past year, heal from the wounds, and see what happens. Hopefully after a few weeks or months she realises her mistake and that she really does love you and wants to be with you - great, but if not, don't waste time waiting. Go on with your life, live it fully, and see what tomorrow holds.
Wishing you luck and happiness!
xxxx E
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (2 March 2012):
 Put yourself first. You can't move on whilst remaining friends and she can't use you as a friend if she knows you still have feelings for her...it's stalemate.
The best solution is to stay away from eachother for the time being. Use the no contact rule. No texts, calls, e-mails, meet ups or shring friends. Move in different circles for a while until you both settle down and decide what you want.
It's not fair that she keeps calling and texting you if she broke things off...in fact it's downright insensitive, so ask her not to do it or ignore her attempts at contact.
I am not implying that you can't be together at a later date but right now she has said she wants to be single so give her her wish and hopefully she will leave you alone.
If you keep on seeing her it's just going to drive you crazy with wishing anyhow and you need to give her a clear signal that you won't be messed with (friend or no friend).
Horrible situation to be in, you have my sympathy but be true to yourself and be strong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2012): I say give it a little more time before you make a decision. You only broke up recently. Give her the space she wants and see what happens. Let her text you, and text her back. I know it hurts right now and you will have to make a decision at some point I just think the time is not right yet.
So give her some time, let her be single a little while and see what happens. Give it another few weeks, keep her sweet and be nice but start to move on and get on with your life. Get out and spend more time with friends, do fun things but don't get with another girl until you know for certain she's not coming back. Get out and start enjoying your independence, have fun things going on in your life that you can talk to her about if she asks etc. If your life is going really well and is a lot of fun then she's more likely to want to be a part of that again.
"So the question is; is it sensible to stay friends or not?" In the long run, no. But for now, yes.
"As I want her back and this friendship could cause false hope."
Don't let it. As of now she's your ex and you should be moving on while staying in some contact with her. I don;t know what it is OP but when you start to pull away from a girl, start to move on with your life and stop chasing them for some reason they want you even more. So just go ahead and live your life as a single guy but one who is not going to get involved with another girl until he's over this one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2012): Hi...I was in a similar situation. My ex boyfriend broke up with me..i did not see the break up signs. He wanted to stay friends with me, but i loved him. Not staying friends allowed me to move on..staying friends would have been painful. What if he met someone? So i just said a big bye bye, sorry not going to do friends things,when i still love you!...funny enough six years later..he has decided I am the one for him. If I had stayed friends with my ex- it would have messed with my head/heart. I would not have met my lovely fiancee. I am in love with a wonderful man and i am getting married in september 2012. So no..for me your ex..has to grow up and stop playing head/heart games. She is either your girlfriend or you tell her to stop contacting.I would say a big bye bye to your ex-girlfriend...she is either back in your life 100% or you tell her to stop calling you..this allows you to slowly move on with time. .all the best.. Jess
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