A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has always been quite selfish. Not in a terrible way. But he does continue to put himself first. Even when I really really need him. I asked him to come over the other day as I had had an awful day and just needed comforting. He had asked this on previous occasions and I had always been there. But he said no as he was tired. My plans always seem to run on his terms. Just little things like that, that add up and make me feel I care more than he does. He says himself that he is selfish. I am just holding on in there for the day he is not. Am I being realistic? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (27 September 2010):
 He's a guy. Most of them aren't 'maternal' or 'nurturing', most of the guys that I know aren't! I'd have to say that if you find a guy who is, grab him and hang on to him, but they are pretty few and far between; most of the time - selfish and male are pretty synonymous. I've been married to one for 34 years and raised another one; they could both be described this way. They can be sweet, but they do tend to put themselves first, Hey, I'm just saying...
A
female
reader, SweetindianGirl  +, writes (27 September 2010):
i learned the hardway, when a guy is selfish it usually comes with being an A#@hole so please d yourself a favor and either do one of two things 1) leave him or 2) become on his level with the selfishness take his candy away from HIM for a change.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 September 2010):
 Alas, you are not being realistic hoping he'll change. He knows that you'll tolerate this and will stick around. He has no reason to change, really, if you think about it. You'll accept this, just because he acknowledges he's selfish.
Personally, I would let him go find someone else to be selfish with. You want more, you deserve more, why settle for less?
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, RennieGeek +, writes (27 September 2010):
I would say if he realizes this himself and hasn't tried to change yet, he isn't going to. It may be hard, but if your needs aren't being met, it's time to move on and find someone who can meet your needs.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (27 September 2010):
 no. usually people don't suddenly change.
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