A
female
age
41-50,
*onfused3040
writes:I'm sorry if this is really long but really need some advice.I have been with my husband for many years. He is very much a father figure and I do love him so much in the same kind of way I love my cat - with massive affection. The problem is that everything I do seems to irritate him, our sex life is awful and we have nothing in common.He knows how I feel and is trying to make things work but I just can't get over certain things. There was a great post the other day on this site about making love versus sex and we have very occassional awful sex but never make love. We had oral sex the other day and it was the most hideous thing - I was actually crying at how gross it was and felt like I was sucking an elephants tail - it was just gross. He didn't realise until he felt my tears and realised something was wrong and bless him he would never hurt me.I just spend my life with voices in my head saying 'I want a divorce' and then he says something nice and I feel so much affection, then he tuts at me again and I want to leave.....We have previously had counselling where we were told we should split up but is it not possible to live happily as friends who do love each other???
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divorce, oral sex, sex life, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008): Yes -- I feel for you, and your husband. You can't help the way you feel, and it sounds like you don't love him. However, you have to ask yourself if you have a psychological problem with sex that should be analyzed first, before divorcing the guy. Are you sexually attracted or fantasize about sex with other people? Do you have sexual feelings? You might have a hormonal problem. Your husband is just trying to live a satisfying life. If you can't be with him sexually as a wife for whatever reason, but feel you can be other people (male or female), you need to move on so you both can enjoy your lives. Be gentle. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Confused3040 +, writes (30 December 2008):
Confused3040 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice. It is so difficult leaving a relationship after so many years. It's particularly difficult as my husband is desperate to cling onto what we have left.
I think you're right though - unless we want to live as friends we need to take action.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): oh god life is really bad for you both, i'm sorry i feel sorry for your poor husband he must have been mortified to look down and have you crying!! I think you have to respect each others feelings more, and from what you say the experts are right you should split. It will be a horrible time but can you really go on like this? Atleast it sounds as though it would be an amicable split. Do the decent thing and end it thats the only way either of you will have a chance to be truly happy one day.
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