A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I have been dating this guy for about 10 months now and recently I'v noticed something peculiar. Whenever he meets my mom, he really 'looks' at her when her back is turned. He even asked me about my parents sex life once when we were talking, he said it in a casual tone but said he was curious. I don't know whats going on. Its really weird for me to even come to terms with what is probably going on in his head. My mother is way prettier and a lot more interesting than I am, I can understand if he wants to be nice to her for me. But sometimes its just plain disgusting. Can you please help me?
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (26 February 2012):
 Display text Sorry, but I would find this creepy. Now I know it's normal to find other people attractive, and that includes my mother or some stranger on the street. Guys look at women, women look at guys, none of that causes problems for me. ModNote: appears the response below is a series of potential answers to use:"You think my mother is pretty, well good, you got taste, but what I have a problem with is you constantly staring at her ass and asking about her sex life.Your dating me, not her, your eyes should be on me, your supposed to be dating me because you find me attractive, not because you want to be able to stare at my mum. I'd have the same problem if the guy was staring at my cousin, my best friend or the woman next door. If your so interested in another woman, then why are you with me. That would give me problems. When we are alone, is he seeing me at all. Not good for a woman's self-esteem and confidence. And the stuff about the sex life, that's just not right. Keep them idea's to yourself, how dare you come and ask me about what my mother is like in bed."I would feel very uncomfortable around such a guy. Suppose he makes a grab at my mother. Suppose he calls out my mother's name when we are making love. Your my boyfriend, so I'm the only one you should be so attracted to that you can't look away. Otherwise what are we doing together, just hanging out, because I don't call this love.I couldn't continue such a relationship. What's the point, I'm not keen on threesomes, and as I said I find the whole thing kind of creepy.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (25 February 2012):
 Ahhh, that is very common. Trust me though, your mom is not your competition unless you see HER becoming flirtatious and inappropriate contact is happening (i.e. excessive hugging, your mom calling him, etc.)
The question about the parent's sex life is a bit odd to ask, because talking about the sex life of our parents is gross to begin with! I know, I know...parents can still have sex, but it's still jarring to a kid! But I take it that your parents are still together because of his question?
I partially disagree with Mandy on the Flattering part. Yes, it's unflattering if he's ogling your mom in front of you (i.e. staring at her butt/breasts/etc), but it *is* flattering in that he's in love with you, and he appreciates the DNA that made you, and more importantly, guys see moms in particular as what to expect from their daughters in the looks and poise department for long term.
I wouldn't talk to him unless both of them behave inappropriately, or if you want to, if he asks another question like that, or he's staring at her, make a light comment "you don't want to have sex with my mom, do you?".
Chances are, it's a harmless crush....and I'm guessing that you're a lot like your mom, so it's not surprising!
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (25 February 2012):
 HI
Usually your gut instinct is the right one to go by. In this instance I think your right to be concerned, however I doubt your mother would be best pleased. Sometimes a young man WILL find the mother very attractive, not to blow my own horn, but a few of my daughters friends and sons friends have commented on how nice I look, and I look more like there sister than there mother I think the word was MILF.( mother I'd love to F***K ...I know this may sound shocking, but many young guys get this kind of attraction. Its not nice, and although flattering for the mother , definately not flattering for the daughter. I would ask him straight out, do you have a thing for my mother? if not I find it upsetting the way you look at her at times, and its uncomfortable. It dosen't really do anything for my confidence.
Mandy x
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