A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have an old friend that I lost touch with approx 9 years ago (I have to add that we weren’t best friends but hung out occasionally but friends just the same). I recently met a guy and surprisingly enough he is her soon to be ex-husband. I had only met him once before when they were just dating so she and I had never even talked about him. He was nice enough to get me and my old friend back in touch with each other and I’m really happy about that. She is the one that ended the marriage and has since moved on and is engaged to another man. My question is… If it’s ok with my old friend, is it ok for me to continue to talk to her ex-husband and possibly date him?? I have talked to many of my friends and given the situation they feel that it is ok for me to continue our "friendship". However, I have two friends that are completely outraged that I would even consider dating this man. They say there is an unwritten rule that friends don’t do that. I agree that there is a rule but I feel that rule only applies if #1)she was your best friend, #2) You were friends during the marriage and you know detail about their relationship, or #3) she says that it’s not ok with her. I just wanted to see what other people think about this situation. Thanks!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2008): It's perfectly acceptable for you to talk to and see this guy socially. It's also perfectly acceptable to date and sleep with him if you like - after all, he's single and you're single, there's nothing stopping you but it may change the relationship with your friend a little.
Human emotions can be very irrational and your friend may actually get jealous even though she's moved on. I have seen this happen a many times before amongst friends where the ex partner seems to get completely weirded out by the idea and "acts out" a bit - blanking you out, snide remarks, bitchy gossip etc. However this behaviour is usually transient and it's probably far more unpleasant for the ex than anybody else because she (or he) knows that she's moved on and that her feelings are irrational.
My advice is go for it and have fun. Just don't expect the relationship you have with friend not to change at least a tiny bit.
J
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