| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: If someone (A) likes someone else (B), on an extreme level and for a long amount of time, but B does not openly return their affections and shortly enters into a relationship with another person, C, is morally and/or socially "wrong" for A to continue liking B now that they are "taken?" I'm just intrigued. I mean what is A supposed to do, switch off their feelings? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2011): I've never had a boyfriend Muso so I don't know, but I was in this situation last year when my best friend had a girlfriend (we were best friends before he met her.) They've broken up now though and he has kind of admitted he likes me... at least I mean we've done stuff so yeah, I assume he does.
I only ask because at the time she sent me lots of messages telling me I was a bad person and a whore for liking him (not actively trying to get with him) despite him being with her -I'm not sure how I'm a whore given I've never had sex- and I was just wondering if this was true.
And yes I was emailing him, because at the time I had no other friends (I still don't really) and he is the only person I feel I can talk to; he was emailing/texting/phoning me all the time as well though so it wasn't as though I was stalking or harassing him and he never told me to leave him alone.
This isn't a problem anymore as they have split up and she has a new boyfriend, so I'm just asking hypothetically, however, we were (and still are) extremely close as friends. He's not just some random person I thought was hot. I wouldn't want anyone else.
For the record, I had "got over him," but now he has broken up with her (6 months ago) and seems to be showing interest in me; I think he's perplexed as to why I'm not returning the interest but I've just learnt to switch my feelings off by now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2011): yes it's morally wrong for A to continue feelings for B.
yes A should switch off their feelings. it can be done. it doesn't happen just like that but A can choose to focus their attention on other things rather than obsessing about B because the more you obsess about someone you can't have the more your feelings will linger. so you can definitely make yourself get over someone if you really want to
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 July 2011):
 feelings are fine
as long as:
a. you do not act on them (stalking, emailing, trying to get with the person)
and
b. they do not negatively impact on your life (you are heading to work/school in a prepared timely manner, you are paying your bills and doing your chores)
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A
female
reader, Blod  +, writes (2 July 2011):
 I suppose it is ok, so long as A's love for that person lies within certain boundaries. Emotions don't have switches, so it would be difficult, if not impossible, for A to stop liking B at once, particularly if those feelings are particularly strong. I think it'd be harsh to say that's morally or socially wrong.
BUT, if B's in a relationship with someone else, A must accept that they can't be together. Once A realizes this, I think the typical sort of emotions they would be feeling are those of grief. It may sound extreme but the more intense the feelings, the greater the feeling of loss and mourning in a sense. It's horrible to go through something like that but I think it's essential for A to finally move on from B. A may never stop liking or feeling an unrequited bond with B but so long as they realize that they need to move on, you have progress.
Just my view of it. I hope it helps!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2011): Hi
A is better of getting on with their life and let B b with C, A should move on through the alphabet to find an available letter that makes a good match. :)
Good Luck
spunky monkey
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A
female
reader, muso888 +, writes (2 July 2011):
well no, it's not wrong to feel the way that you do, but it IS wrong to pursue another girl's boyfriend... so, as long as you don't do anything about those feelings to make either the guy or especially his girlfriend uncomfortable (basically think about how you would feel if a girl was acting like that around your boyfriend) then you are doing nothing wrong.
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