A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf cheated on me with the same girl, several times. He claims that he no longer has sexual relations with her, but they do talk in a friend basis. He thinks I should be ok with him hanging out with her, but I'm not okay with it at all! Should it be ok if I give him an ultimatum? Ask him to leave her alone (even as friends) or lose me..we've been together for 4 years. This would mean no texts or calls her either! no hanging out, nothing! Then again, I know I can't force him to do something that he doesn't want to do... If he says "Ok, I'll cut all ties with her" *and he really doesn't want to* then wouldn't he just sneak behind my back?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): I'm glad you had a talk with him, but I would still be cautious if I were you. he had cheated on you, with her, many times and is/was still hanging out with her as a friend. He felt you should be OK with that, obviously he had some bond with her. People don't just change overnight. Please be careful he could have just said whatever he needed to say to end the 2-hour relationship discussion (because guys hate having those 2-hour relationship discussions). Don't mean to be a wet blanket, just that I've been in your situation before, so I hope you will still be cautious.
He has to EARN your trust back, make sure he does that, don't just give your trust freely.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of your help. He and I sat down today and had a 2 hr conversation regarding EVERRTHING that has been going on. The topic about them hanging out and/or him being around here came up (you knew it would!) and he completely understood. He said he will cut all ties w/ her out of respect to me. He and I came clean about a lot of things and it felt so good. We're just trying to start this new year out right, drama free. I wish all of you a blessed new year..thanks again for all of your help!I really appreicate it
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A
male
reader, Love-Wisely +, writes (14 December 2010):
 Good answers below.
One of the amazing abilities of cheaters: making others accept inappropriate behavior. This is usually after they have messed up your sense of trust and boundaries so badly you don't know which end is up. Distrust is like an illness. You feel sickly when you can't trust a lover. We naturally need to let things go in order to relax. Somehow, cheaters discover astonishing ways of manipulating lovers the *instant* trust is back in their court.
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A
female
reader, HurtandUnsure +, writes (14 December 2010):
 I sure would! I'm currently going through a similar situation as you, the girl was a friend of a friend and if she ever crosses my path, I will break her face. If you still have trust in your man, and can forgive him for what he's done, then your relationship has a shot. But for him to expect you to be friends with the 'other woman' is absurd. It's a slap in the face to be honest. You should lay out specific rules for him to attempt to regain his trust. Cutting off all ties with her, and anyone who allowed him to cheat on you would be a basic necessity. Not to mention it would give you two a fresh start at rebuliding your relationship.
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A
male
reader, smile(: +, writes (14 December 2010):
Can you give him an ultimatum?, cheating?, do you really have to ask? Of course you can, and be totally justified in doing so.
Are you willing to be in a relationship with someone that cheats? If he won't be faithful, should you stay in a relationship with him? How important is trust your relationship to you? Ok, I know this isn't an ideal world, but where do you draw the line.
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