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Is it normal to keep a chart of your sex life?

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Question - (29 March 2013) 7 Answers - (Newest, 18 April 2013)
A female United States age , anonymous writes:

I noticed in a drawer that was open, between the porn tapes, a piece of a paper. On the paper was the dates we had sex, where we had sex, the tapes we watched or did not watch and the number orgasim's I had. It appears my significant other has been tabulating my orgasim's. I figured something was up, because he always asks me how many I have had. The paper ends at a certain date. But, since he keeps asking me, I figured he now has this all on a spreadsheet on his computer. We each have our own computers. I do not have access to his computer or he to mine.

Now I know there are people in this world that keep lists of who they dated and rate them on their sexuality, like if they are a good kisser or keep a diary of their encounters much like a pride thing for men as the number of women they bed rises or to look back on with nostalgia. Men and women both have done this. More crudely, it's called a Fuck List.

I guess I am more amused than anything else, but then again, I don't know if this is normal to do or if there are couples out there that chart their sex life in this manner.

I'm a little concerned that this may all be on his computer and if someone were to access it.

View related questions: kisser, porn, sex life

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2013):

He likes to keep a score card of his sexual activities. Isn't that something serial rapists or murderer's do? Collect data on their victims? I don't mean to alarm you but that behavior would have red flags waving in front of me.

I would be VERY concerned that he may be videotaping you when you have sex together without your consent. When he is away for a few days I think I would hire someone to do a sweep of your bedroom to see if there are any hidden cameras.

He sounds sneaky. Why do such a thing? What does keeping a record benefit him? He may very well have OCD though and it spills into other areas of his life. I would recommend he get counseling for him if he does.

Just be careful with this guy. There is another side to him and he sounds off to me. It's just not a "normal" thing to do...chart your sex life.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2013):

I'd run away as fast I could from a man like that.

It's like he is collecting data and you are the experiment. It's almost stalkerish. No, it IS stalkerish!

I wouldn't like my sex life reduced to a spreadsheet tabulation formula.

So maybe he does have OCD or he is anal retentive, but this goes way beyond what a normal guy would do even with those tendencies.

I find it creepy.

Next thing you know he will have hidden cameras in the bedroom so he can look back at his performance in bed.

I think he has deeper issues and that you shouldn't hang around to find out what they are.

Find yourself a normal guy who enjoys a beer now and then and that doesn't put his energy into the numbers game of orgasms and where and when you did the deed.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2013):

I know women that keep their journals about their dates and the kind of men they are. They even rate them how they are in bed. Men do it too. I think more women then men do this.

Your guy has OCD.

Now, being the type of person I am, I would get a little nasty and say I only had one orgasm, just to make him work at it all the more harder. I know that is mean, but I'd have a little fun with it. He'll probably get more inventive in bed.

Knowing what you do, just so this doesn't put a damper on your sex life with him.

He probably loves to keep a chart so he thump his chest and tell himself he still has got it in the love department.

I wouldn't read too much into it...as long as others aren't privy to this information or come across it.

At some point I think you need to talk to him and let him know what you have discovered. Then sit back and see what song and dance he gives you.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (29 March 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntThe most OCD thing i do about his is note in my private journal any activity that occurred and possible the reason and/or result.

I don't have OCD but I do have ADD and I forget things and my husband will "mis-remember" so I want proof that his memory is inaccurate.

Now when I was younger I temp charted (as well as other body changes) but that was called Natural Family Planning...

if you are close enough to go through his drawers and sleep with him then ask him about it... make sure you let him know it doesn't bother you but if it's on a spread sheet you would like to make sure he password protects it.

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (29 March 2013):

He's got OCD, obviously. It shows up in weird ways.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2013):

I admit this is strange. However; it doesn't shock me the least.

If your partner is "anal retentive" and compulsively organized, it shouldn't surprise you that he keeps record of your sexual activities. If you actually have orgasms, and he wonders how many, I say he loves tooting his own horn.

He likes to look back on his prowess, and analyze his performance. Weird? Yes. Unusual? Totally!!!

I do believe that you may need to make a follow-up inquiry into his reasoning for keeping such material, and what his intentions are.

You are an involuntary participate who wasn't given any prior notice of how your intimacy is being cataloged and monitored. I wouldn't blow anything out of proportion; but you need to know where he's going with all this.

Explain exactly how you came upon this information. Perhaps he left it there to see how you would react. Otherwise; he could have kept it hidden and locked away. This, of course, will be said in his defense; if he is confronted about it.

I'll take your word for how you claim to have happened upon it. I know how girlfriends like to snoop. Wives feel they have a right to. They have more at stake; but it can backfire.

All that aside, keep your attitude just as it is. You seem to be a smart level-headed lady. You didn't freak out or lose your cool. You even saw a little humor.

He most likely is making sure that he keeps up whatever it is he's doing that keeps your sex-life good and successful. If you have multiple orgasms, he's doing all the right things. I'm also amused. Going to such lengths and research, is so scientific! A scientifically tabulated Fuck List? Who would've thunk?

I'm trying to mentally visualize the bar graph. Or would it be a pie chart?

Good luck! I think?!

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A female reader, R1 United Kingdom +, writes (29 March 2013):

R1 agony auntHaha I'd find that quite amusing too if I were you. It's fairly harmless, if assume he keeps it hidden from others. If it helps him improve his performance then it can't hurt!

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