A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal to feel disappointed in your relationship?I've been with my bf for 4 years. He asked me to marry him 2 1/2 years ago and I felt shocked as marriage was never something I wanted with anyone at all, which he knew. I didn't want to upset him so said yes to his proposal even though my head was yelling noDon't get me wrong, I was in love with him and wasn't planning on ever leaving, it's just that getting married has never appealed to meSo shortly afterwards, wr moved in together, again at his insistence. I started to realise that he had trouble making ends meet and felt he wanted us to live together to cut down his own bills. But I discovered I wad pregnant despite using contraceptives. I felt so lonely and unsupported by him during the pregnancy. People at work were more caring than him. He cooked for me twice, and never offered to walk me home when I worked late into the night. He never offered to buy anything for the baby either-I had to ask him to contribute and felt like he should be offering of his own accord and should be making me feel special.I felt alone during the first year of parenthood as he worked sjifts which meant days would go by without us having chance to speakI was on maternity leave from work and was working hard to budget for everything. And still I had to specifically ask for him to help buy nappies and baby clothes.Our baby is 2 now and the best thing in my life. He talks about wanting another baby, but I don't want to go through another pregnancy feeling as unsupported as last time. I guess I just feel disappointed that he doesn't make me feel special or cared for, not even when I was pregnant or a new mother.Am I being totally ridiculous? I have had other serious relationships where I haven't felt like this but now can't figure out which is normal and which isn't. Should a partner make you feel special somehow? And what if they don't? I have tried talking to him but he just gets annoyed. I don't want to split up our baby's family but I do sometimes wonder if I'd feel happier alone when at least I wouldn't have any expectations of a partner.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (21 November 2014):
 "Is it normal to feel disappointed in your relationship?"
No. IF that's how you feel about your "relationship" then you need to step back and decide if it's really a "relationship" at all.......
IF your interactions with someone who you expect - or believe - is your partner are crappy... then you really AREN'T "in a relationship" at all... are you????? You're in some kind of "friendship" which isn't anything to write home about, either..... AND, you won't be happy until you end things... with WHOEVER this guy is... and make a better life for yourself... either by yourself, or with a better partner....
Good luck...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2014): Would you be able to support a household with 2 children if your relationship went south? If not then this may not be the best time to have another child since your relationship is rather precarious. You sound like you are drifting along being pushed into things you don't want to do. While you don't sound miserable, I do wonder how long you can sustain this relationship before resentment of your husband festers. Since you are already with him, why don't you go for couple's therapy before throwing in the towel? While you are at it, how about a joint account to which you both contribute and use to pay for bills? Before you moved in did you not sit down and plan a budget based on both your incomes? If not, now is a good time to start.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (21 November 2014):
 Your partner does sound uncaring and unsupportive. What you are wanting is not at all unreasonable.
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