A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:i'm 17 in a couple of weeks, and i haven't really had a boyfriend, never properly kissed a boy or anything, and i was wondering if that is normal. majority of my friends have boyfriends and stuff, and i don't think i'm shallow, and yes there have a been a couple of opportunities, but am i weird is really what i'm asking? feeling pretty low as no one seems to show any interest in me. thanks for all your help Reply to this Question
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male
reader, daletom  +, writes (11 December 2012):
You may not be "typical", but you are quite "normal".
(And as for "typical", many teens tend to exaggerate the seriousness of their relationships, brag about sexual activities that never happened, maintain the facade of a satisfying relationship when in fact they're only doing it for appearance, or flat out lie about having a B/F or G/F. You have the courage and integrity to be honest about your situation and your feelings! And you're probably more typical than you think.)
I was just a couple weeks short of 18 - a full year older than you are - when I went on a first date, first held a girl's hand, experienced a first kiss, and first had a girlfriend. That didn't happen all at once, but developed over 3 or 4 weeks. We were together for about 6 months, and split up when we were separated at different colleges and only saw each other every 2 months or so. It would be four years before I had anything like a dating relationship again. (The few times when college friends invited along for some outing or activity just to balance the Male/Female ratio don't count.)
Being the (supposedly) ONLY single in a sea of couples can be devastating. I was there - it really hit me after going several years without a girlfriend or dates. I recall sitting in my college graduation, seeing my friends step up to receive their diplomas, and as they stepped down seeing many of them receive public displays of affection from wives and girlfriends (or both?) that bordered on sexual assault. I thought, "Hey - I bet I'm the ONLY guy here who has never been laid!". Well, it wasn't true then and I'm convinced it's not true now. If I was honest with myself I wasn't as interested in the physical and sexual side of a relationship as I wanted the friendship, companionship, and intimacy. (Don't get me wrong - the physical and sexual side is great, but that happens AFTER the other part.) In fact, about 5 months after graduation I met the woman who would become my wife and life partner for 38 years, and still going. I am not saying something like that will happen to you, but it happens to MANY people if they continue to watch for possibilities rather than letting their single-ness dominate their lives.
A
female
reader, yanna58 +, writes (10 December 2012):
It's very normal not to have had a boyfriend or have kissed a guy at your age!!!Don't rush it. You're very young. I'm twice your age and what I really remember is all the peer pressure to hook up. Please take your time, you have plenty of it.I have a friend who didn't have sex until she was 30. She's now a mom of three and has a very satisfying sex life. I was 24 before I had my first boyfriend. (And neither one of us was remotely religious. Plus, we're both very pretty. We just weren't ready!) There's no timeline for these things. You should wait until you meet someone special to pursue a relationship. One other thing I've learned in my old age: everyone exaggerates their sexual exploits. When I was 16 it seemed like everyone was having sex, but now everyone I meet admits that they were much older when it really happened. Even more importantly, the people who were young when they had sex, etc. almost all of them (well, the women) regret not waiting longer. Don't let other people try to make you feel bad about your lack of experience. You will kiss a boy and have a boyfriend. It's about the quality of the experience, not about who did it first!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): OF coure, you're totally NORMAL, and don't worry about it, having sex because you can, or because other girls havve bf, or because of age, honestly those are too bad reaons. you should do it when you feel it, when you;re ready and not just because of social pressure. and of course teen guys don't care for girls(in most cases), all they want is to have sex.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): I consider myself Normal and a late bloomer :). First kiss 21. First real boyfriend--24. Glad I waited since I married the man of my dreams and did not have to waste my time on the toads along the way!? PS--Did have some self-esteem issues in my twenties--but for the most part am very comfortable and confident with my looks now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): Its more and more common these days that girls have had or kissed more than one guy at your age, yes. As for normal, well that is something distinctive to the individual themselves and what is normal by that person's standards really. I wouldn't look at it as a bad thing really, I mean just look at the ever growing numbers of young girls becoming pregnant before they're 18 or have even left high school because they've had boyfriends and unprotected sex because they think its clever and cool. I'd be proud of myself if I was you in comparison to a high number of teens your age these days. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you either, you just haven't found the right guy yet, and most guys your age I think its safe to say are horny little devils looking for easy girls to get off with lol.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): your only 16 not even 17 yet, its very normal, it means you respect yourself, only ever do anything until YOUR not what some people think is normal like maybe your friends, some young people just like showing off think its grown up just because theyve had sex theyll regret it when theyre actually an adult and wished they waited for the right person
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): Well i'd say it's not weird to not have a boyfriend or properly kissed, i haven't done it myself either and i'm about the same age. I'd say you will eventually find someone who likes you for who you are, i guess it's something that takes time. Also for your friends, it may be easier for them to fall in love with someone else.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 December 2012):
 Normal.
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