A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Please help!!!! (btw my age thing is broken, I'm 16)Right. So. February, I started a LDR with an American guy (I'm Irish). We were great- we had that crazy addicted, thoughtful, romantic, always-on-my-mind kind of connection. I was far from perfect and yet everything was perfect about me. He was like a dream to me. We broke up around the one And a half month later, and distance wasn't the real issue. But three days later he said he wanted me back and I couldnt help but agree. After that...conversations started to run a little dry. I tried my best to bring back the old "us"- even said sorry when it didn't make sense. But when we were on the brink of Another break up, when somehow we managed to balance ourselves out. Things never did go back to the first month situation with him, but I couldn't complain. Well, I guess you're gonna kill me for wasting your time and not just asking this straight away:Is it normal if he doesn't talk for half an hour between sentences?? I know for a fact that he can't be busy, and even if, can't take a break for ten minutes?? It's summer!! He's graduated and isn't even going to college. Once he even told me he was playing a game!! While I fix him in my attention is it fair for him to reply every twenty minutes- if I get lucky??! I feel like I'm "talking to someone who is playing with their phone" kind of situation. Is it normal? Am I overreacting??
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 July 2012):
 IF you both want to talk every day by all means you can.
when we were LDR we had morning wake up calls and bed time tuck in calls... most days we talked a long time but there were days we only talked 2 or 3 minutes..
if you spend the time leaving messages... again honey what kind of a relationship is this?
my concern is that you have not met him and are so young and have minimal chance of meeting any time soon and I don't want you to let this hold you back from meeting people near where you live.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 July 2012):
What exactly do you expect from him?
You are half a world apart
you are young
you have not met in real life
you are just some pixels on a screen right now..
There are things about LDRs that need to be in place to make them work.
You have none of them
Honesty
trust
communication
regularly scheduled visits
and
a plan to end the distance.
I'm going to be honest... he's NOT your boyfriend
he's some guy you know online...
This is not going to last and it's painful but it's the sad truth...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much! I guess I also left out some minor details. We use online ways to talk like MSN or kik on phone. Also, may I ask, some people have been saying that being in a LDR means you should try talking very day even if for a few minutes. Is this true? I mean, we both can take out five seconds to just leave a message for the other when they log on...right??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2012): Are you living in Ireland and he's in America? If so that's an almost impossible distance to keep up for someone of your age. It sounds like your over reliant on virtual communication. Of course texting and messaging are vital in long distance relationships and often calling is too expensive but you can't expect someone who is far away to be "on call" when ever you send a message. It's unrealistic. Try and turn off your phone for an hour or two everyday it could really help you. It does sound like you are over reacting a little and maybe it's time to think about taking a break in the relationship until your finished the laving cert maybe or the situation becomes easier one way or another. Conversations will naturally become dry when ye're not able to spend real time with each other. I feel sorry for you as letting go of something that used to be great is so so difficult. At 16 I was in a long distance relationship that lasted for 4 months. Having said that it was a two hour bus journey which is a considerably shorter distance than you from what I can gather. In the end we felt we were too young to commit to making such immense efforts to make it work out even though we really wanted to be together. It was hard at first but the distance makes it easier to get over them at least. If you feel you need to know what he's up to every second of the day there's also a trust issue that needs to be addressed. Hope something in what I've said can help you. Best of luck.
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