A
female
age
51-59,
*nsearchof69
writes:Im 40, My parents got divorced when I was 5years old. And I havent really been close to them my whole life, don't get me wrong, I still talk with them and see them but its just not a close nit family. Ive been married twice, my first marriage ended with my husband cheating. Mind you we were 18 and 19 when we married. that lasted about a year. My second marriage lasted for 5 years, but was very phisically and mentally abusive. I dated another man after that for 5 years, that also ended with physical abuse and cheating. I crave a close family, and have that with my 3 children and 4 grandchildren. This last relationship was in Connecti cut and i packed up my children and all there clothes and moved to Florida to start over. Since then I met a guy who was married, and has since divorced. But i dated him for 5 years and it was absolutely wonderful, he was the perfect guy. we never fought, no physical abuse,always laughed and were so close. When he filed for divorce, he fell into a depression, confused of which way to go. stay with me or retreive his wife. The first 4 months after he filed for divorce he watched his wifes every move and pushed me way, in hopes to get his wife back. So i vanished from the picture til he could figure out what he wanted to do. It hasnt been a smooth ride since his divorce is still in progress, but i removed myself from the emotional rollercoaster he was putting me on . Now that he has come out of depression , he has voiced that it is me he is in love with, and wants to build a life with me. So with that being said... My question is.... Why am I afraid to let himin my heart again? I have disconnected from emotion and can not tell him i love him and avoid every opportunity to spend time with him....Someone help me...Is it me that has issues with men? Whats stopping me from letting him in?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010): i went through a similar situation. go for counselling by yourself and heal the wounds of past relationships to remove those feelings from the equation. your partner experienced separation angst from the x. i went through this for two years. don't avoid him - spend lots of time together, talk, talk and talk until all feelings past and present are shared between you. you can stop the emotional roller coaster.
you deserve to be happy and this starts with open and honest communication.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (20 March 2010):
 what you went through with this guy through his divorce and depression: he was holding you in second place. Not a good feeling, isn't it. (lonely two)
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A
female
reader, insearchof69 +, writes (20 March 2010):
insearchof69 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thank you all for your answers and input, I value everyones opinion and advise,I will take in all that you've said and evaluate my situation to make a mature and educated decsion. Any other advise is appreciated.. Thanks again...
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 March 2010):
It's not that you have issues with men, it's that you seem to be attracted to the wrong type. That will have been caused by your parents divorce. Perhaps you don't look high enough for yourself. You have been hurt in both your marriages, because the man you have picked is not good enough. That will come from a lack of confidence in yourself. In short, you have confidence issues because of your parents divorce leaving you somewhat abandoned. This in turn is leading you to pick men who aren't good enough for you because you want to be loved. Right now, the best thing you can do is spend time on yourself and your kids. Just enjoy being single, building up your confidence and spending time with your kids. When you are in a good, happy position for yourself, you will be able to move forward with the right men. Of course you will love and trust again. It's a matter now of making sure you are in the position to meet the right man.
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A
female
reader, sweetiebabes  +, writes (19 March 2010):
 It is difficult to trust again, this is the issue. You were hurt, humiliated, betrayed from the previous relationships you had.
What your BF did by pushing you away and tried to retrieve his wife was not good anyways; it was just sending you a message that he loves her more. But his marriage failed and he comes back to you. But we all have our imperfections.
Weigh things more about your relationship with him, you know him better than us here on this website. If you still love him, let him be the man to profess again, to support and protect you. But have some clarity, a kind of relationship where it leads to where you want it to be.
I believe you're a strong woman, you know well how to get out of a relationship when it is hurting you and you know what is good and best for you. You have done it.
Know what is best, know what makes you happy!
Goodluck!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (19 March 2010):
 You are not going to live forever in this world.You should give yourself another chance to find true love.
Never be afraid to fall in love until you find the true one out there.You deserved to find true love after what you have been through.
God Bless!
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (19 March 2010):
Look at what you've been though..
1) Abandonment by parents due to a divorce
2) Little support from your main carer's (parents)
3) A young marriage and a quick divorce
4) Cheated on, betrayed in your first big relationship
5) Abused, hurt, humiliated and controlled in your second marriage
6) You get out, move away and start again....
Your human, your normal.. look at your story.. many women in your position get frightened to trust again. You've got nothing to loose, you've been hurt before in the worst way. You can cope, you can survive, you know that, you've done it before.
The harder thing, is learning to love and trust again, can you do that for yourself?
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