A
male
age
41-50,
*lcmiami
writes:A few months ago I met a girl via the internet. We talked quite a bit and found a very good connection from the get go. After about a month and change I took a trip to meet here. Overall things were great. Sex, chemistry, time spent together. I came back home for two weeks and couldn't stand to be away so I took another trip to see here. Met the family, friends and whole she-bang. Things overall (90%) are great and I'm loving it.In fact what makes this all the more difficult is I can be quite picky and finally after years of searching I met someone that I feel in love with and had what I was looking for. Beauty, brians, views, etc.... Now, what is the problem? The problem is is I think she is a class one bitch. I noticed when we were talking via video chat a change in her personality when she spoke to others around her. Something a bit more harsh than I was accustomed.And, during both trips, we experienced 'episodes' where she was mean, inconsolable and erratic. These were under circumstances where there was essentially 'nothing wrong'. (ie I hadn't done anything to piss her off). I also got to see that she got a case of PMS worse than anything I'd ever seen. Crazy, mood swings, etc...Now, there were one or two times I had actually done SOMETHING that was 'wrong' although in the scale of life I tell you it was nothing major. When it was my turn to be upset about something I got the back of her spine and her off into the next room. (Whereas I had tried to be very patient and understanding of her plights use communication and try to resolve things).THE DILEMMANow if it seems the girl I'm describing is a total waste of time I tell you that is not so. Normally she is very cool fun to be with and with great qualities. I confronted her with these problems and she swears to me up, down and sideways she is aware of her 'defects' and ready and willing to change them. MY QUESTION ISAlthough I realize people can change if they want to to certain degrees, is it logical to assume someone can do a 180 transformation on how they control their temper and resolve issues. I am a mellow person and do not want to spend the rest of my life in a battle with a cold hard bitch. Thoughts?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (25 February 2009):
 She wont change I'm afraid, no-one with these qualities can ever get rid of them fully. She may be able to tone them down slightly but never get ris of them.
She actually sounds a little like me (I have quite a few qualities that you have desribed - the bad ones anyway!). I know from experience that some men can handle it and some just get mad and dont understand why I am the way I am and then end up just being silent in arguments because they dont know what else to do.
So you need to decide - can you handle her? Is she worth it? You say you are mellow and this is a good thing when it comes to handling a person like this, your calmness will balance out her irrationality. If you get the good more than the bad then maybe you could put up with these occasional funny spells she has, and she will love you more for doing that (as you said, she is aware, just as I am aware of how much of a pain I can be at times!).
If you say you struggle to find someone you really like and this girl is the first in a while you can see yourself with then maybe she is worth it. This is a decision you need to make I'm afraid, no-one on here can help you with that!
Good luck!
A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (25 February 2009):
 At the very beginning of a relationship one is on their very best behaviour and you really dont get to know the 'real' them for quite a while. In a long distance relationship this problem is even more profound as one can be wonderful for short periods of time, such as a week long visit, but being wonderful forever is considerablely harder. If she is already showing such nasty bits around you, and even in your short visits, I would have to say that you had better run for the hills as it is only going to get worse as she lets down her gaurd and shows you the real her.
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