A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hoping someone can help me here. I would appreciate it very much. My ex and I split a couple of years ago. After the split, which was painful for us both, he moved to another city, met someone else and was with her till last October. We have been back in touch of late and he came here to visit me for the long weekend. I think he is a super guy, but I realize that I do not feel it for him anymore. I tried to tell him while he was here but did not want to make too big a deal of it because he had spent the money to fly here. I thought he was only coming as a friend, but it looks like he still sees us as a twosome. We were talking on the phone every night before the visit but if I see he is calling now..I do not pick up. I feel kind of crummy just ignoring him like this. I guess the harder thing to do is to tell him the truth but I am afraid that will hurt him more. Is it better to just ignore his calls till he gets the picture or talk to him and tell him it is over.
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female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (27 May 2008):
 if anything you will be hurtin him more if you leave it for him to figure out..just let him down gently that your friends only and you value that now and dont want to persue anything further and that hes an excellent guy but you just dont want a relationship..thats my opinion aphexy
A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (27 May 2008):
 No - sounds like you don't think he deserves the ignoring ...neither do I. You're a grown up, so is he...so just talk to him. It'll be an awkward conversation yes, but you're already well into "awkward"!
Is there any chance you're feeling a bit guilty because you "lead him on" - talking with him on the phone every day, inviting him to visit you....I am not saying you DID, but that might explain why you are having trouble dealing with the situation now?
Tell him...and then perhaps don;t have contact...some people are meant to stay in your life, some people aren't!!
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A
female
reader, jozzc  +, writes (27 May 2008):
 Please try the direct approach. Don't argue or plead your case, ask for him to respect your wishes and if he continues to try to sway you, then cease answering his calls. If it continues, change your phone number. Just try to give him the benefit of the doubt, first.
A similar thing happened to me, except I was on the receiving end of my ex not telling me that he didn't feel the same for me and I actually came back to the US from Canada thinking we were still a couple when he actually did not want us to be a couple.
If he had just been direct, it would have made things a lot easier for me. He was not direct, and led me on by not really ever ending it, and I ended up grieving for months after I realized that he wasn't answering my calls because it was his way of "breaking it off" with me.
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A
female
reader, MARISSA +, writes (27 May 2008):
 Well darlin if you dont like him tell him thats all yuo can really do .I mean you dont want to stay with a guy you dont like and if he likes you and you dont like himjust let him off easy introduce him to one of your friends maybe that will get him away from you haha!But thats the best advice i can give hope i helped MARISSA
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