A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have found an amazing gal, she has been out of a relationship for one year. Her relationship was controling and abusive. We have only know each other for a couple of weeks, and i know it is short, but she tells me she does not want anything serious and that she is looking to discover more who she really is and what her hobbies are and her likes and dislikes. She says she has always done what the man wanted in the relationship. We met on a dating site and she had done she just wanted to hang out and learn and do new things. We hit it off really well and have been spending alot of time together, things have been real comfortable with us as if we have know each other for years. i can say anything and she can say anything to me. Our plan was to date and get to know each other but we became intimate only after a week, but we must have spent like 40 hrs together during that week. The second time we made love right after she looked at me and said we should just be friends,and we never really talked about what that means, then she said friends with benefits. She also says she wants to be exclusive but she wants to hang and do different things perhaps with differnt peeps. and i guess i just really want to know, is it better to continue on with her to see where it will go, because i am looking for a serious relationship, or does this look like something i should stay away from.and i should also mention she had her rebound relationship with a guy 5 months ago.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): It could go either way, really. She is scared. She is healing. She is trying to be herself but feels uncomfortable in her skin.
I would advise to take it slow. It is hard to heal from abuse, but having support is always a good thing. I say it has only been a few weeks. Take is slow for now. If she's saying "exclusive" that's not friends with benefits. Friends with benefits means you meet for sex, but you "date" too, (not serious with anyone.)
I advise, yes, be her friend, take it slow. Let her lead and give it maybe a month or two. See where things stand and then talk about what you are hoping for and what she foresees.
A
female
reader, bebe87 +, writes (12 October 2011):
 I’m sorry but if after you make love to someone and they immediately say, “we should just be friends” that’s a HUGE sign. I wouldn’t put any effort into a relation with her and definitely not “friends with benefits” I would just let her know, “you know what this just isn’t going to work and its not really what I am looking for” that’s very respectful.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 I don't think it is a smart thing to continue with if you are wanting something serious. It looks like she is just looking for fun out of life at the moment and to enjoy herself and do lots of different things and meet lots of new people. But to me it sounds like you are looking to settle down with a woman and have a serious relationship. You are both on two very different paths and someone will end up getting hurt. You need to talk to her and tell her how you feel. Obviously you haven't been together long to be talking about getting serious but explain to her that you would like to think that one day you will become more. Good luck.
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