A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating to meet the right guy. I don't put out until I know its right and we have the discussion to be exclusive. It seems after about 4 dates the guy doesn't call. What is the standard of putting out dating these days (I've been out of the dating pool for 5 years)I went on a 4th date this weekend with a guy that I felt chemistry with and when we are together if is effortless conversation. We went on a day trip and he took me to lunch, a fancy museum, and a really nice dinner. The 3 hour ride home had good coversation. When we got to my house we had some drinks and ended up making out. He put his hand down my pants then I told him I wasn't ready and didn't want to go furthur becuase we were drinking. He was cool with it and stayed the night. The next morning we cuddles for a few hours and he left. I called him the next day and now he vanished on me.Is this becuase he wanted me for one thing? It just doesn't make sense why he stayed all morning and cuddled if he wasn't interested. You would think he would have left first thing in the morning. I just don't get it an need advice. Is holding out on sex normal when dating until it just "feels right" no matter the time and money spent? Please help because I am confused!!
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male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (21 October 2009):
 I don't think the time and money spent should come into the equation. You are not a commodity to be traded at some yet-to-be-established value.
If you don't want to have sex than that is perfectly OK. When you want to have sex then go and enjoy it.
At the moment you are holding yourself between two ideals, the one in which you save yourself for the right person; the other in which you have a free relationship with a partner even though it may not last for ever.
You sound like you are deciding whether to dole out samples of the goods to the best prospective husband and can't decide on the criteria to, as you say, 'Put out'.
Don't make other people responsible for this. It's your decision.
Most important - don't separate the sex from yourself. Make love wholeheartedly when you want to. Women who treat sex as if it were something they offer men as a reward are misguided. I believe you may be heading down that path.
A
female
reader, Kg15 +, writes (21 October 2009):
waiting on having sex is totally normal
but if a guy liked you then he would wait and respect your decisions, it seems like he kinda seemed like he wanted only that one thing but i think he spent the night and cuddled to hide what he actually wanted and to see if you change your mind anytime soon.
my advice communicate more and if he isn't talking back honestly leave him hes not worth it and i give you props for not having sex with the guy and letting him know you weren't ready.
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