A
female
age
30-35,
*isfitschik66
writes: now i have a problem i come on this site to help other people and i seem to have found myself in a horrible situation ever since i started dating my current boyfriend we have been together for a year things have just been messed in my opinion i dont know if im being selfish or not we were in a long distance relationship at first he lived about an hour away from me and saw me only on the weekends if he could make it up if he dident have to work sometimes his family would make up things for him to do or excuses for him to stay home and he would pick going out for coffe with his sister or going to watch a movie with his mom over seeing me( im a jelouse person i know) he eventually moved in and now the same thing is happening but worse since he has moved in which has been about 2 months now EVERY weekend he goes back because his mom calls him telling him reasons why he should come home( he arent financially stable enough for him to be running back and forth ) but he does it anyways and now we are broke now he has to go for a real reason (family member past away) he is going to be skipping work which is NOT good considering he just started) and we have no money for him to get there and we are having problems here at home i need him here with me but he has to go im so confused right now am i being selfish? what should i say or do? is his mom asking to much from him? am i?
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long distance, money, moved in Reply to this Question
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female
reader, misfitschik66 +, writes (19 January 2009):
misfitschik66 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well i know its been awhile but i thought it be about time for an update SO!!
lets get started
we have been living together for about hmm i think its been about 10 months so anyways we decided to get a puppy he is a pug and i guess that was the magic trick ever since we got the puppy his mom and step dad have started warming up to me they always invite me or should say expect me to come with my boyfriend to visit and christmas was amazing we had a great time his other relatives hug me and kiss me all the time its like i belong really
i think its because we got the dog..because a dog is a big thing in a relationship and i guess she saw it as that we are taking steps in our relationship and someday its not going to be just the dog its going to be kids and a wedding a bit more maturity there
A
male
reader, jay12toes  +, writes (10 June 2008):
 i think his family just needs more time. if things work out then they will see that your not going anywhere so then they will become more excepting of you. i had the same problem with my feiances family, they didnt like me much, and some of them still dont like me but they have learned that im apart of there family now so they just except that im there im there and that im not going any where. its not a great way to handle things but at least now i just feel uncomfotable instead of unwanted. i get along with all the kids in the family though, so im not bored at her familys get togethers.
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A
female
reader, misfitschik66 +, writes (10 June 2008):
misfitschik66 is verified as being by the original poster of the question he asked me to get an abortion when we got pregnant( which im not complaning about because we are to young to have children RIGHT NOW in the future maybe but not now expecially since we are broke lol) but what bothers me is the reason why he asked me to get an abortion
he was to ashamed to tell his mother he made me lie about the operation that day and say i was going to get sists removed
i despretly wish he would stop the lieing and stop being ashamed of us in certain aspects
i adore his grandfather he is a great guy and his sister and i get along like wonders its his step dad and mother that im kinda iffy about even his dad is kewl
about answering diovon lestat's question about my family and friends.... first of all
my family lives out of town at least most of them i never see them thats fine i see them when i want too i love them and my mom and stepdad "think" that his mom just hasent let go yet and come to terms her son can make his own choices and live without her
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): They love him, they don't love you. No problem, they're not sleeping with him, you are. He can't drop his family because they don't like you, they like him and that's all that matters.
Again, I ask you about your own family and friends. What do they have to say, how can they help you with this?
Your thinking about a baby, but your not strong enough to include his family, because they don't like you. You need to grow up some, before you start thinking about children. Children need as much family as they can get. They will need grandparents and aunts and uncles, you will need to provide them with a stable family background. Try to work on your relationship with your partners parents, if your thinking about having a baby, you will need all the support you can get.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): You certainly have the right to ask if he could spend fewer weekends with his family, at least until you have saved up enough money. And he should admit to his mother that he can't afford so many visits-- a good mother wouldn't want her son to go broke.
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A
female
reader, misfitschik66 +, writes (10 June 2008):
misfitschik66 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni also dident add that when i went to meet his family they were very rude to me like i wasent good enough for there son i try very hard i just be myself smile and nuthing i cryed in the car at the hospital his grandmother was staying at because his i felt unwelcome and it was akward and i had wished he had never invited me to go see them if it was going to be like that i know im being selfish with the whole family thing but his mom is too she wont let go he is almost 20 we want to have our own family to join theirs and it feels like to me they are trying to ruin that for us
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): Sorry, misfitschik66,
You might not like what I have to say, but in this I think your being very selfish. He see's his family once a week, this is good. They love him and must miss him now that he's with you. He can't be expected to drop his family and spend all his time with you, that's not fair, they love him too.
Somebody in his family has died, he must be feeling really sad. In this situation the money is not important. He needs to go and pay his respects to somebody he has lost and loved. You should support him, not make it difficult for him.
You don't mention your own family? Aren't you very close? This is why you think your boyfriends behaviour strange. You need to develop closer links with your own family and friends and take some of the pressure of him. Nobody likes having to choose between their girlfriend and their family. Don't do this, prove to him your love is something of strength, something to be proud off. Don't be a burden, support him and support his love for his family and everything should go well.
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A
male
reader, jay12toes +, writes (10 June 2008):
he sees you 5 out of 7 days, if not more right? your getting the majority of his attention so you are being a little selfish. im sure you understand though that theres no avoiding a death in the family, he dousnt even have a choice in the matter. but it is important that you and him get to spend a whole day together from time to time because i know that when you both work, liveing together isnt the same as spending time together. i hope everything works out for the 2 of you.
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