A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I broke up but after 3days he called me up and wants to see me so we can talk things out--and save the relationship.. he even suggested that we both should write what we dont like about each other so we can discuss things and make this work. He still calls me honey and he said that thats how he still feels about me.Because I really love I agreed to see him.. my only concern is he called me on monday and we're suppose to meet this coming friday-- between those days after he talked to me he never called me up-- he just text me yesterday w/c says "Honey, have a good day at work".. I responded back.. and thats just about it. it puzzles me that if he's really interested to win me back how come he cant even talk to me like before.. I dont even know where he is or what he's doing---and seems like he is waiting till we meet on friday. It makes me sad... he's not sharing anything with me.. whats going on here? does it mean that he's just giving me and him a "space" so we can both think? or is he already seeing someone else... just in case our conversation didnt turned out well on friday? I feel like we're back together, yet we're not.. because he doesnt seem 100% giving me his attention like he used to when we were still together. sHOULD i TEXT him before we meet tomorrow?. Please help! thank you!
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male
reader, Love-Wisely +, writes (25 November 2010):
 "I also read my boyfriends response to her and it favors me because he said he wants to but I wouldn't like it because I want his undivided attention every-time were together."
It sounds like he is using your relationship status to flirt with this girl... He "wants to" but he can't because of you? All bad. Wrong attitude.
If you decide to stay, at the very least you need a full disclosure (and transparency) about the situation with her. True, you need to trust a person to have a relationship, but you also need assurances that your trust isn't foolishly misplaced. Too many of his behaviors betray a restlessness.
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 November 2010):
 Listen, if you want to be together with him you'll have to learn to trust him. If you don't think you can do that then leave. Checking his emails is invasive and shows no trust.
WALK AWAY. You didn't work anything out. He may have a thing for her, he may not. He chose to be with you so even if he did have feelings for her, his feelings for you mean more to him. You'll never see this though because you're too focused on the possibility of impropriety.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for all your responses.. I appreciate that. With regards to this woman that I think he hs/had a crush on. I think she alos like my boyfriend. I happened to see one of her emails to my boyfriend that says "if they can see each other.. and she even added on "I miss your face". I also read my boyfriends response to her and it favors me because he said he wants to but I wouldnt like it because I want his undivided attention everytime were together. so he turned her down because of me and just set the date of seeing her on a differnt day. what does it mean? the woman is seeing other man nowadays(w/c I am very happy about) but he seems jealous of him.. should I continue to stay in this relationship; should I believe him when he said that its nothing but friendship between her and him? I really think he's serious with me because he already introduced me to his family.. and planning the future together w/me. please give me some insight? thanks!
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A
male
reader, Love-Wisely +, writes (24 November 2010):
Okay, I read the added detail. He hasn't been showing many signs that he is serious about your feelings...
Clearly, he has/had a crush on that girl. He expects you to be blind to that fact but offers nothing to convince you? You were right. He is not protecting you, he is looking after his own feelings. Trust is earned. When trust is treated cheaply, it is used cheaply.
And when you spend a weekend with your girlfriend, a call to AT LEAST say goodnight is a normal impulse.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 November 2010):
You are indeed reading too much into things. With guys we're really pretty simple. Typically we mean what we say and act appropriately. Don't read into little things like that. If he doesn't text one day that doesn't mean his feelings have vanished. Many guys aren't all about texting.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes he & i had worked things out and were back together.. things seems okay.. i try not to be too jealous.. because thats what he doesnt like about me. I just notice that today when he took me home(I spent the wekend with him) that I had never heard from him.. No text or call during the day(as he usually do before) I miss that. He would text me or call me just to say Hi and today nothing.. It makes me feel a little bit sad.. does it means that he doesnt care that much anymore? or am I reading too much. I used to tell him that i dont like it if he doesnt communicate with me like before and it makes him upset.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (19 November 2010):
Sorry I missed your follow up. I hope your conversation goes well today. If I had known the info you provided in the follow up I would have told you to cancel your meeting for today and walk away from this relationship for good.
Make up/break up relationships don't work. You're just going to break up again for the same reasons. Break the cycle.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): we broke up over trust issues. He said I have difficulty trusting him. We also broke up twice... but he always comes back first. I know that when we broke up the second time that he doesnt want me to because he doesnt want to return my stuff. He has a female friend that he seems very close with & I am not comfortable with their closeness.. He alwys denies that she's just a friend and theres no way he would fall for her... but everytime where all together hes actions towards her speaks louder than his words. I even saw an email of him for her that says.. "I just would like to let you know that I am thinking of you eventhough I am dating again.. ha ha".... that really sets me off. he said I totally take it out of context. It seems to me that he wants to make her happy but he never realized that he is makeing me miserable. thats when I STARTED FEELING UNTRUSTING TOWARDS HIM when it comes to her.. plus the way he reacts when they're together. hE SEEMS TO BE DEfending her when he should be protecting me. I dont mind if he have her a s a friend what I dont like is when he like her more than that.. because its not fair to me. I want him to be honest. I texted him today and he text me back.. but I'll wait tomorrow when we talk.. Im not sure if I should continue with this anymore-- i really like him & wants this to work but for as long as he has that woman as his friend... and everytime I see him giving her more attention when when we're all together I will never be happy.. thanks
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A
male
reader, Love-Wisely +, writes (18 November 2010):
I agree with dirtball. This behavior could mean a lot of different things. Until you talk, try to stay focused on you. Now if you guys broke up over trust issues, this would NOT be a great way for him to be acting.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (18 November 2010):
Yes. Save any conversation you're thinking about until Friday. It's good that he hasn't contacted you much for right now. Think about what you want out of your relationship and be prepared to discuss it on Friday.
I wouldn't jump to so many conclusions here. You're not back together yet, so he's not acting like you are. Nothing more. See how things go on Friday.
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