A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So i just started seeing my best friend. its been a very confusing relationship and its not been plain sailing but we have just kind of got together after 2 and a half years of messing around. The thing is im Very affectionate i just want to touch him all the time, i want to kiss him and hold him and have sex with him. He on the other hand (besides holding my hand in public and sometimes giving me a hug), is not at all publicly affectionate and sometimes i feel like he is ashamed of me or something. He tells me im beautiful and that he loves me and when we make love the world stops turning but i want to make love to him every night were together but he only seems interested maybe one in 4 nights. We are in L,D,R and i wonder if thats whats freaking me out, He also said that i was overwhelmingly affectionate and that he can't stand to be touched but i am the exception to the rule. Am i over reacting is this just the way he is. I have noticed that hes not affectionate towards others and in fact i was the first girl he ever slept with and he was 20...
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks angel gal i checked that out and it was really quite interesting i think your right people do speak different love languages and i am dying to speak his. and careing guy lol the thought of my boyfriend being macho is so funny hes a soft centred musician with out a mach bone in his body, his whole family are affectionate and they hug me when i go and see them. Im only frustrated because we have been friends for 8 years and sometimes i feel like he was more affectionate with me as a friend than as his girlfriend but i think it may be a pressure thing meh i dunno
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 March 2010):
He just doesn't seem to be an openly affectionate guy. It can be hard for men to let go of the 'macho' image and be really affectionate. Maybe your boyfriend was brought up in a household that just wasn't affectionate. He's not ashamed of you. He just finds it hard to show affection. Be gentle and patience with him, and hopefully he will open up a bit more
...............................
A
female
reader, angelgal077  +, writes (3 March 2010):
You both have different love languages, that's very common for a relationship. If you don't know what the love languages are they're: words of affirmations, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of services, and physical touch (that's you). You need to find out which one is his so that you can give him affection in a way that he understands. And he should do vice versa.
It's also common for people to only hold hands and occasionally hug when in public. That's how my husband is. When we first starting dating it was a big problem because my love language is physical touch so i wanted to be touching him and holding him at all times, but he was brought up to keep public affection down to a minimum and was embarrassed when he was out with me. Over time, and a few fights I learned to back down, and in exchange he holds me a little more than he would prefer in public. But when we're at home he knows that if he wants me to be happy he needs to cuddle me, ect... And i know i need to say positive things to him cuz his love language is words of affirmation.
I hope this helps you some, just remember that this is a normal problem that many people go through and can easily be fixed. If you want to know more about love languages you can look them up online or get the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapmam, it is a Christian book but it still very helpful even if your not a believer.
Best of luck to you. I hope you two have a very happy time while your together. :)
...............................
|
