A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it grief, or lack of interest?My bf recently lost of a loved a while ago and has been having a very difficult past few months. I have been by his side trying to be supportive and helpful. We live together. The past few months have been difficult financially, and we have had arguments about it. We have also had arguments about how his family obligations have affected his being able to contribute to our household for the basics.Lately, he has been spending less and less and less time with me. Maybe once per week, and even then, we aren't going out on dates or spending a lot of quality time together. The romantic aspect has stopped.I have asked him about Valentine's Day for the past few weeks, and he said that he wasn't in a celebrating mood. He has said he doesn't know if he wants to celebrate valentine's day. So far, he has said that we may spend time together tomorrow, but I am not sure if it will be romantic as he has other things he may need to do tomorrow.I am hurt because I think he knows that this day is special to me AND that he has been spending less and less time with me. I don't know if he is acting this way because of stress and grief, or if because of those things as well as not being interested in me anymore. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIf grief and stress is a main reason for breaking up, would it be possible to reunite at a different time?
I feel that my ex just had too much stress and grief going on in his life, and he couldn't give anything towards a relationship. Now, out of the relationship, he seems to be doing better.
Would it be selfish of me to try and see if we can reunite? Or do I need to take his actions (distance) as a sign and just be supportive of him being happy?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010): I have been giving him a lot of space and trying to really help him in any way possible. He has said that he isn't sure if he wants to be in a relationship. I do think he is depressed, and I don't want to make him more stressed.It is weird because he doesn't want to talk about things, and he even gets irritable just talking to me, so most of our conversations are via text. he has also stopped answering his phone when I call. :(I feel like I have been very supportive, and there were a couple of instances in the past where he did contact another woman, and that was when I thought that things were very good between us. I really feel like his pulling away more and more makes me worried and it also makes me feel as if our trust bond needs to be worked on.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (15 February 2010):
When men suffer grief, they tend to retreat away from everything. Men find it hard to identify how they're feeling and what to do about it, so they retreat into themselves so they can work it out. If he has lost someone, chances are that he is very hurt and needs time to himself to deal with it. There is also a chance that because of the death and all the stress of money he is slipping into depression. I think you should gently try talking to him again, this time saying to him that you are very worried about him and would like to know what you can do to just be there. The last thing he needs to here right now while all this is going on in his head is how you were cheated out of Valentine's Day as well. That will only add to his list of worries. Talk to him generally about what you can do to be there and tell him that you're worried about him and the relationship. If he doesn't open up at first, then tell him you are there and just give him some space.
...............................
A
female
reader, dorothy2342 +, writes (15 February 2010):
 Who did he loose and what family obligations does he have? Why is Valentines Day so important to you and what do you mean by a romantic day? Need answers to give advice. Sorry
...............................
|
