A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend who is 42 years old has an Instagram account where he added over 100 girls half his age, shaking their boobs and butts. So last month, my BF decided to create an Instagram account because he wanted to follow some singers and foodies. I trusted that he was only interested in singers and foodies. Until tonight he was telling me a celebrity followed him back so I was curious to check out that celebrity and checked his followers and saw that he was following over 100 ppl. As I lookrd into who he was following, I noticed that aside from the few we had added together, he followed over 100 young girls exposing their boobs and butts. We talked about it, he said it's normal for guys to follow those.. but I said I never had a BF nor do I know anyone that would be interested in that.Can you please let me know if it's normal? Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2024): Okay I'm going to say no it's not acceptable if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
I was in a relationship with a man for four years who looked at women Infront of me, I told him it was disrespectful, he stopped but then as you have described he started adding women onto his Instagram and Facebook I told him this is making me uncomfortable.
Told me I'm being unreasonable and total gaslighting and turned it around on me.
Then there was messages, yup he cheated on me.
I stuck around and wish I never now, or accepted his lame answers. He knew his intentions from the get go.
So if he has a wondering eye I'd make my feelings known and tell him clearly what you will and will not put up with. If he doesn't care for your feelings and respect you which I think is the issue here. Then walk away.
Don't wait for the heartbreak I'm going through now. It gets worst.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2024): Whether it's normal or not, the bottom line is whether or not you can accept that your boyfriend is looking at all these young women and has lied to you about it.
Maybe you could explore together why he needs to do this and how it makes you feel. For any relationship to really work, both people have to have their needs understood and met.
I hope you find a way through it that suits you both.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2024): No it's not normal to me that is horrible and cruel of a partner to do such a thing. And the man who wrote it's how men are is totally wrong. To say all men can look at women half they're age as they're the best looking is horrendous so shall we say women can look at men half they're age as they're fitter and better bodies ! Come on seriously all that does is make couples split up because anyone who puts up with that is going to feel a fool and insecure and love is not meant to be like that!
Tell him to delete crappy Instagram it's nothing but trouble or just find a respectful guy who doesn't do that. And I know there's many out there !
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 March 2024):
 I think IF a guy is single (or gal) they can follow whomever they like. It's all good.
I do think once you get married it's no longer appropriate to do so.
Men are no more "visual being" than women.
And yes, EVERYONE likes to look at hot people but there are just degrees to when it's appropriate and when it's not.
I find it gross that there are guys out there who will spend HOURS looking at semi nude women as pieces of meat that are on "display" for his pleasure. Have a little self control.
It's up to you whether you are OK with this or not. Whether it's a deal breaker or not.
His excuse is lame though. "All Men do this blaah blahh.."
Bulshite.
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A
male
reader, Keen Fox +, writes (13 March 2024):
Your husband is correct. The truth is that men love to look at hot women. It causes us to experience an erection which is extremely pleasurable and makes masturbation possible, which feels extremely satisfying for a man.
Instagram is absolutely full of hot curvy women with big round butts and bouncing boobs. They don’t allow explicit content so there’s no decor nudity, but there’s a lot of bikini and lingerie pictures. Instagram is designed to show you related content. Once you look at one, the algorithm continues to feed you more and more, and the more you look at, the more it suggests for you. It’s a “thirst trap” that’s irresistible for men.
You haven’t heard of men following these accounts because it’s still a little taboo to talk about and not all couples are comfortable with it. But it’s happening regardless. With modern technology, men can see literally millions of hot women with perfect hourglass bodies at any moment they want to. And you just expect him to never indulge in that? Is that realistic?
Men have a natural desire for sexual variety. It’s not something we can turn off. So it can be difficult to keep your sex life exciting and pleasurable for him year after year. That natural urge for something new just builds up in him like a pressure. This is why even good men often end up cheating - eventually that pressure is overwhelming so when a fit young woman presents herself he snaps. Now, cheating is awful and there’s no excuse for it. A good man prevents this from happening by sexually regulating himself. Generally speaking, men engage in masturbation. Even married men. I know many women find this gross, but you need to try to put yourself in a man’s shoes here.
For women, sexual attraction is emotional. For men, sexual attraction and emotional attraction are two totally different things. A healthy marriage has both! But he is fully capable of feeling one but not the other. When he looks at hot girls on Instagram, he does not have any feelings for them at all. It is purely visual and physical for him. He’s just relieving himself of that urge that builds up - blowing off steam, so to speak.
I actually believe that making space for masturbation in marriage can be very healthy. It gives him an outlet for satisfying himself and I actually believe that reduces the risk of cheating. Men end up cheating when they don’t have that outlet and the urge becomes too much for them (again, not making excuses here but just being real). Masturbation can also relieve tension in your marriage by balancing your sex life. Typically, men desire sex more frequently than women. This is an age-old problem that has caused a lot of issues in marriage. Masturbation gives him an outlet to still satisfy his needs while relieving you of the pressure to perform when you’re tired or not in the mood.
If a married couple only ever masturbates and doesn’t have sex regularly, that’s bad. But as a supplement to a healthy sex life, it’s good and can actually make sex better. You should tell your husband that you’re fine with him looking at women’s pictures online, as long as it doesn’t negatively affect your sex life, and as long as - very important - he doesn’t talk to them.
My wife and I both masturbate as a way to satisfy ourselves when the other person is not in the mood. We still have sex with each other regularly and our sex has only gotten better!
Oh, and regarding the “half his age” thing. Your husband is 42, so a woman “half his age” is 21. It’s not like he’s looking at underage girls. That would be weird and problematic.Him looking at a 20-something and thinking she’s hot is normal male behavior, not weird at all. If you look at all the most popular sexy models on Instagram, they’re all in their early 20’s. And if you look at their “Followers” list on Instagram, it’s a lot of middle aged guys. This is all very normal.
It’s scientifically proven that men find early 20’s women to be the most attractive. A woman is at peak fitness at that age. Do you really expect him to be ogling 40 year old women and staring at their pictures? What woman at 40 weighs the same as she did at 20? Women’s bodies change over time. Women put on weight in their 30’s and 40’s. Their butts and boobs become saggy and less perky. Their bodies become flabby and less toned. This is normal aging and it doesn’t mean you can’t still have great sex but you’ve gotta understand that for a man, the 20-something women will always be the most tempting to look at. That’s not gonna change.
This comment will probably get low ratings from women who don’t - or won’t - understand how a man’s brain and body works. Men are not the same as women. You need to try to put yourself in his shoes. Figure out what you’re comfortable with, and have good communication with him about it.
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