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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I are 29 years old.We have been together for almost a year and I can honestly say I know he is the one for me and I am pretty sure he feels the same. He tells me he will love me forever, sees me in the future, we are very caring towards each other etcSometimes maybe that small insecurity still gets inside me and also maybe because we only get the weekends together due to distance. We don't live far but it is far enough where we simply can't be together throughout the week too much, it's just too much.So when the weekend is over I have to say i am a little sad without him. I realize and understand time apart isn't bad but I can't help feeling that way maybe because I am ready to go home to that one person every night. We just aren't there yet due to saving money etc etc..we casuallly speak about moving in together a year from now but we don't add a tremendous amount of pressure on the subjet.He has been tired lately but last night he was too tired for us to be intimate together. I found it odd in a tiny way just because we wouldn't be around each other for a few days. I didn't say anything of course and pretended I was sleepy as well but it crossed my mind.Today throughout work we texted each other back and forth and even when we got home we texted each other but it crossed my mind that if he missed me why wasn't he calling to speak and just say hi? Around 8pm or so he actually texted saying he is really feeling completely exahusted and is going to sleep for a bit but will call in a little while to atleast say goodnight.It is sweet but at the same time--why wouldn't you want to hear your girlfriend's voice to say hi and not wait basically til 10:30pm to call half asleep and say goodnight?Is he losing interest and getting too comfortable or am I being a little insecure?It just kind of bothered me and it made me think maybe I need to back off here and there when I don't see him so he gets curious and calls me. Am I overreacting? I know people can get tired and it's not like he didn't text me today?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2013): From what you've said, he sounds truly tired / stressed.Ask him what the matter is because he seems like he has a lot on his plate right now. You sound like a nurturing, comforting kind of person, use that to get him to open up to you. Next time when you see him, give him a massage without expecting sex at the end of it. Prepare his favourite meal or plan his favourite activity. Create a happy atmosphere and then ask him what's been on his mind. He is more likely to open when he's relaxed. And he will be grateful to you for your support.On your end - how busy is your life. It sounds like you have a lot of time to spend thinking about him. Get busy. Go out with friends, volunteer, pick up a few hobbies. Don't sit around thinking about him - it just makes you more acutely aware that you can't have him next to you as much as you want yet.Is he losing interest and getting too comfortable or am I being a little insecure?Nothing you've said necessarily points to him losing interest. Are you being a little insecure? No, I'd say you don't have enough to keep you busy so you spend your time getting frustrated that he's not on the other end of the phone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is the original poster. I think you are misunderstanding my question and information I provided. He is saving to buy a home and HE is the one who brought it up of us moving in together when this happens. I spend weekends in his area at his family's. we both still live at home and saving and he has more privacy. I also like his area better than mine. There aren't as many issues as you are suggesting. We both casually talk abor the future but don't place huge pressure on it. He already has said he sees me in the future. I was jus simply asking am I being a little insecure because he was too tired to talk and also too tired that night to be intimate. Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): Your relationship is in a rut. He is probably working very hard and may truly be tired at the end of the day. He'd like to be able to just come home from work, kick back, and do absolutely nothing. Who hasn't felt this way?However; if he hasn't seen you all week, why wouldn't he be ecstatic to spend the weekend with his lady?You may not like to hear this, but I must say it anyway.There comes a point in a relationship when women get restless, and they are anxious to settle down. The male species isn't on that page as frequently; and we do not move in that direction as quickly. You've already set your time limitations. In a year we will do this, in another year we will do that. Subconsciously, you are sending out every signal you can that you want to be "married." Living together isn't really the arrangement you want. He's not stupid, he knows this. The closer you get to your deadline, the less enthusiastic he becomes. He may snap out of it at some point, and fall inline. He just may not.He isn't ready, but he will tell you what you want to hear in order to maintain the peace. If he doesn't; you will certainly get irritated, you will pressure him, and he has to be agreeable to calm the potential storm brewing. He is too tired for an argument or fight. It's a warn-out topic and it dulls his mood.You want a wedding. He knows those "distant" deadlines are stretched out only for his benefit. You're really sick of waiting to get married; but you'll settle for living together, if it keeps him from getting away.You know him and you know his moods. Now you're picking up HIS signals. A change in his personality. Lack of interest.He is comfortable the way things are, but he is losing interest in the routine of spending his weekends away from his own place. You should investigate to determine if this is the case. Can you alternate and spend the weekend at his place? Maybe a change in routine will help.He knows he is going to have to listen to all your thinly veiled wedding plans, under the false heading of "living together." He may have a differing opinion, and you should press him for feedback. It's time to listen and stop talking. Is there something he isn't telling you?The conversations that start in one place; but always lead to the discussions that include a lot of "we" and plans for "us." He seems uninterested; because he feels you leaning on him. You admit your insecurity.Silence is a typical male response. Women do not understand it. Therefore; it will help you to understand, if you ask him what HE truly wants. Without pitching a fit when you hear the true answer. Men hide the truth to avoid emotional reactions.If living together is probably your main topic of conversation. It is wearing on his nerves; and he is exhausted to the point he may breakup with you. The answer to your question is "yes." You are being insecure. You may be reading the writing on the wall, and it's making you nervous. I am not saying you are wrong for being concerned.You need to know what the other person is thinking in the relationship. It takes at least two people to form a relationship. I just feel most of the plans made are what you want, and he just agrees; or echos your words to appease you.The less you press on the subject of living together and/or marriage, the less tension you'll sense in the air. Plan some romantic evenings out. Go out for dinner and some live music. Go dancing and recreate your life when you first met, and became boyfriend and girlfriend. Create a more relaxed atmosphere when you're together. Hopefully, I'm totally wrong, and he is just over-worked. He is worn-out from repeating the usual routine.Stop harping on marriage/living together, and breath life back into what you already have; so the subject will become more digestible. Perhaps he truly wants what you want; but your impatience is more evident than you think. He's feeling the pressure and you have a gut-feeling something's up. Has he changed his mind over the past year? Do you frequently argue? Is there a long period of silence during the week? Now an even more difficult suggestion:You also have to ask him if he is seeing anyone else during the week. You notice he is always tired and his temperament is changing. Why isn't he as happy to see you at the end of the week?That suggests he is either tired of you or he may be seeing someone else. Prepare yourself for the truth.
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