A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi im writing for some desperate advice..im 25 years old and me and my guy friend have been best friends for 5 years now... im deeply in love with him and i have indeed revealed this to him already but he claimed he didnt want to break up the friendship... however, we just started having a sex relationship....... what does this mean? is he just in it for the sex or does he also have feelings for me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): If you've been friends for 5 years,and he said that he didn't wanna break up the friendship,he's probably in it for sex.He probably cares about you,but just really likes the sex.See how he acts around you when you're not having sex with eachother.Is he extremely affectionate,sometimes
too much?Does he talk to you more or kisses you more?Can u
tell if he has fun with you or if sex is always on his mind?Ask yourself these questions and observe him.You'll
get your answers then.
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (6 June 2008):
"you have to have some desire for them, some "feelings" for them right?"
well not always. females connect sex with deeper feelings, where as with males, they dont always do that. for some people all they need is a physical attraction.
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A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (6 June 2008):
Hmmm this is a hard one.
Considering you have been friends for 5 years would suggest that he does care for you and value you as a person as the friendship has lasted so long.
However the fact that he isnt willing to commit to a real relationship with you suggests otherwise. His reason for not wanting to break up the friendship doesnt seem right to me. The fact that you have had sex, can break up the friendship. So if he was honestly worried about the friendship you wouldnt think he would of slept with you.
Did he sleep with you before or after he said he doesnt want to be in a real relationship as he doesnt want to ruin the friendship?
If he said that after having sex with you, I would think his motives are very suspicious.
Another possibility is he does care for you, but doesnt want to be in any relationship at the moment?
I think its up to you to decide what you are ok with and waht you want. It seems to me that you arent entirely comfortable with just sleeping with him and not having anything more. I suggest you stop this because if it conitnues it will only get harder for you. Propose to him that either your stay friends (With no sex) or you have a proper relationship. Explain to him that being friendds who have sex has alot of potential to ruin the frinedship so thats why you arent prepared to continue doing that. Explain that you do have feelings for him so it is to hard continue having sex and not get hurt in the end.
hope this has helped
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthat makes sense...... we both initiated intimacy really. i have spoken to him many times though and he says he not ready to settle down but im confused because in order to have intimacy with someone close to you, you have to have some desire for them, some "feelings" for them right? thanks so much for your response
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthat makes sense...... we both initiated intimacy really. i have spoken to him many times though and he says he not ready to settle down but im confused because in order to have intimacy with someone close to you, you have to have some desire for them, some "feelings" for them right? thanks so much for your response
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (6 June 2008):
 Well, this could be either case here... either it's a friends with benefits thing or you might be moving toward a standard relationship. To me, the first thing that comes to mind is who initiated the intimate contact -- you or him? I think that you need to simply sit down and be direct with him -- are we an "item" or just FWB? That's about the only way you're gonna get a clear answer, don't you think?
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