A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello all, i am new to this site and hope you can help me! I have been seeing a lovely guy for 6 months now after splitting up with my ex of 16 years.He works away but when he is working locally or between jobs he lives with me. My problem is that he wants to go to the pub all the time. At first i thought it was just to catch up with people etc but now he is working close enough to me to travel to work, every night he wants to go and have a drink after work (even after a 12/14 hr shift!) I enjoy going for a drink myself but i feel that this is excessive. He keeps telling me how wonderful i am and how much i mean to him but i feel insulted that he always feels he has to go to the pub. I have spoke to him about it and he says that 'most men do it' i said not most men, maybe some but i bet the majority of them are single. I am not the type of person to make him do anything, i dont believe in that but i would like him to want to come home to me after a long day at work, otherwise i feel like he is using me,any advice and i would be grateful
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male
reader, redmond +, writes (26 June 2008):
The wisest words ever spoken to me were from my grandma. 'When you've found someone you like, don't take anything away just add to it'
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (26 June 2008):
 Does he want you to come along?
And how many drinks does he have? A beer or two a day for an adult male isn't all that much. He might just need a moment to relax after a long day at work and the pub is his way of doing that.
It is all in the amount he drinks, not where he drinks it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): This is a man, who doesn't understand the mutual repect aspects of love and doesn't share the same relationship values as you. Basically, he saying to you, "I love you, so therefore you should be content with that and let me drink and spend time every night at the pub" That's pretty selfish way to think, isn't it. A true Love with any partner is about sharing time together, mutual regard, admiration, respect, and thoughtfulness. He's not on the same page as you and you have to look down the road...a year from now, when the glow and rush of this new relationship has worn off and reality sets in. You might find yourself worn down and very sad, from loving a 'problem drinker'. You have a serious red flag there and it may not be possible that he will see your concerns as being anything important. Why? Because he likes to drink at the pub with the guys. The bottle of beer will win over. And do most guys do this? Maybe the younger fellows who are single...do it. But not usually a man this age , who is in a committed relationship. I think you need to give this relationship a lot of thought. Think of it this way...knowing what you know about him right now. If you weren't with him, nor involved in any way with him...would you recommend him to your best girlfriend to date? I think you know what to do here...tell him the drinking stops or you go..you do deserve better!
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (26 June 2008):
 Hes a bit laddish isn't he?
Its certainly not normal. Not when you're in a relationship anyway. Usually thats the single life. But ultimately, that may just be the sort of person he is, a pub bloke. I wouldn't want to date one, so i wouldn't. I agree with you about not wanting to change him, who wants to be doing that, its never a good idea to try and change someone. But on the other hand, you dont want to be dating a guy that frequents the boozer everyday after work. Is he a labourer?
At our age we have usually grown out of pubbing it everynight ey. Its obviously something he likes doing and probably always will, way into his old age, til he has a liver like an old saddle bag. I reckon you need to decide if you want to date someone that rolls in from the pub when dinners ready. Or if you deserve more. Ie, someone that enjoys the things you do.
C XXXXX
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