A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I dated a man for 3 months. He was very good to me and chased me. I had no doubt that he was really into me. Things were going well and progressing. However, Towards the end he was pulling away from me and very distant. We broke up and went no contact for a few months. He then got a hold of me, apologizing for everything, Said he thought about me every day and Asked to be in my life again. He said he just panicked and freaked out. Due to his past I guess-His ex wife left him for another man, and then his fiancé also left him for someone else. So I know he has been broken and damaged. I am not sure how to handle him. We are not dating, but he contacts me through text, and phone calls on occasion, seems jealous and bothered if I have been dating or out but he does not make much effort to see me or want to commit. I don't pressure him and I talk to him like a friend. When we do see one another (we live 2 hours apart) he is all over me like when we were dating. He compliments me, tells me how wonderful, smart, beautiful, ect. he thinks I am. We definitely have chemistry and I know we care for one another. BUT I have feelings for him and not sure what I am supposed to do if anything. He said his biggest fear is that we will be together and have a child and that I will leave him and move back to where I am from, so then he won't get to be in the child's life. (He can't move due to his own children). He is thinking WAY ahead... I think he is a good man, I just wondered what advice or opinions you had? Is this just all a big excuse or can I do anything to help him over this? I feel like he would not have came back to me after months if there was not something there. Men are good at disappearing if they want too! Thanks in advance. :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2013): He's playing on your emotions so he can continue using you at his convenience. Get the h*ll away from him NOW!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2013): Hello.
The act of disappearing guy is not a sign that he is into you
its more like, he just want to be present into your life anytime he wants then he can go as well anytime he wants to.
The come and go type of guy is the type of guy you should stay away from. If your the serious type of person who wants a serious relationship. Believe me he will just disappoint you, every time. You will be happy with him for months or weeks, then when he gets tired of you, its bye bye love.
When it comes to love, real love, its all about taking chances. He might have fears, everyone does have fears about love, especially those who have a very bad experienced.
But when you are into someone, there's no such thing as I'm scared moments. Its more like, I'll go for it, I'll take chances, whatever the consequences.
If his not taking a chance and keep saying I'm scared excuses for you, believe him. He means it. Only in a bad way. It's also like saying, sorry, I don't think your the one.
It hurts but if you come to think of it, that's life. So I suggest for you to move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2013): Thank you for the reply. He is defiantly getting way ahead of himself with the whole child thing. I think because of his past instead of thinking how great a new relationship could be he is just thinking about it failing and me leaving him. It's like he doesn't want me too close.... But yet doesn't want me too far either.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (26 October 2013):
 WOAH! He definitely sounds like he is rushing into things when he is already talking about the possibility of children. First things first, before you continue with this man if at all, you need to tell him to not rush ahead, get head over heels, or wander off into the future, you need to tell him to take things slow and calm down, as if has already had a wife and finace who left him for another person that could be a big reason why. Also alarm bells are already ringing in my ears when you say he gets jealous because you have been dating others? I mean, its your life, and at the end of it all, whether he has commitment issues or not doesn't give him the right to just walk out of your life with no contact or even give you a reason why till months later. And I do understand it must be hard for him to commit if he has honestly had two women who have left him for no reasons of his own, but not wanting to see you or making very little effort just already lines our where this potential relationship is going. So far this man appears to be: jealous, distant, has commitment issues, no motivation to see you, ahead of himself and disappears for months...Does the good outweigh, the bad? That's a question you need to answer.
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