A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating with this girl for 6-months now. I can feel our affection is growing day by day. However, she has some insecurity issues. She is 28, and I'm 24, she was divorced a year ago (kind of lost faith in men). Yesterday we went to the dog beach, had a bust and went out to a nice dinner afterwards. When we came back to the apt, all of the sudden she said: "I don't think this is going to work out between you and me." I questioned her if she likes me, and she said she likes me a lot. She continued and said I'm too perfect(always there for her, always do little surprises, etc). She said I might hurt her really bad if I change in the future, because she thinks since I'm 4 years younger than her, I might go for younger girls later on. I like her A LOT, and don't ever want to loose her. What can I say or do so she can be comfortable with me and be more confident in our relationship?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 August 2010):
You need to tell her that you're concerned her trust issues will hurt you both. Explain that though she has been hurt before, that doesn't mean it will happen again and you will be there beside her to help her. But also explain that she must try to help herself, even if that means you both to to counselling for her sake. Maybe a show that you will beside her will help her make some progress for herself. That's all I can think of really.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm meeting her tonight, and try to talk things out. She texted me this morning and said she felt horrible about what she did last night. I'm depressed too, wasn't able to sleep the whole night last night.
I'm kind of nervous of meeting her tonight, might just be the last night or it could be the beginning of new adventure. I know it takes two people to make a relationship to work, but what can I do as my part so she can listens and stay with me?
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A
female
reader, SueZ  +, writes (23 August 2010):
Hey, we ladies are all a little insecure... and let's face it- there are some seriously heavy expectations on women to look young! So what can you do?
She needs to feel that you love her deeply not just for how beautiful she is on the outside , but also for the incredibly special person she is on the inside... the part that is uniquely her... the part that only becomes more and more beautiful as we grow together.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (23 August 2010):
 I'd suggest trying to stand up for yourself. Tell her not to convict you on something she thinks you might do. If you live your life in fear of the unknown, you'll never experience anything. Everything in life has risks, but if you haven't shown her any reason she should doubt you, then you need to point to that and re-affirm to her that you don't plan on it.
"I have no idea what will happen in the future. I do know that I really care about you, and I think we have the potential here for something great. Don't push me away because you're afraid of the unknown. I want to be with you more each day. I feel like you feel the same way. Why are you trying to end things?"
... Or something like that.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 August 2010):
There is nothing you can say. Even a lie detector couldn't solve this girls' problems. Unless she gets help for herself and starts to get over this pain, you'll be the one who gets hurt here. Go with her to counselling or something and listen to her. But unless she gets help, you'll need to leave her, because an insecure person just ends up dragging others into a mess.
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