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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm in love with my boyfriend's(A) best friend(B),who is also one of my g/friend's (C) boyfriend. I'm so confused, this happened quite unexpedtedly. My heart keeps on telling me we should be together, but my head's saying its impossible. I know he feels the same way about me, we talk about it farely often, but neither him nor me want to hurt our current partners.What do I do, I'm going crazy. We keep on looking for excuses to be together, and create opportunities to see each other, whether its a party or just to whatch movies, we do these things with our partners (who don't suspect a thing), just so we could be in the same room, and maybe glance at each other from time to time, without anyone noticing. The guilt is eating away at me, but I can't picture my days without him (B). I'm so miserable, 'cause I don't know how to handle this anymore. Its been going on for 3months now. I need to know whether or not it's worth all this, but I dont know how to find out. How do I know if he is serious enough about me that he'll be willing to leave his partner?. And then, how do I know if I'll be able to do the same?. I don't want to be the bad person, I don't want everyone to hate me, I even tried to avoid B's girlfriend C, because I couldn't stand being around her, knowing that I'm secretely in love with her man, the guilt becomes too much to take sometimes. I keep asking myself, why after 3 years of being with A, am I feeling like this, why did this happen. I consider myself to be a good person, I always try and help everyone as best I can, and I can't take being the "other" woman anymore. I do not want to be responsible for someone else's pain. But I am so in love with this guy.I'm starting to avoid making love to my boyfriend,I keep coming up with all sorts of excuses, because it feels like I'm cheating on B. I really do feel like I'm losing it. Both A and B are very nice guys, but A and I've been having problems in our relationship for quite some time now, I know B and C are having problems,(apart from her telling me about it), everytime we are with them, he looks a little irritated with C, and sometimes acts a bit cruel and distant towards her. I still try and pretend nothing's wrong in my relationship with A, We hold hands, and I still kiss him even though I have to remind myself to do it, it doesn't come natural anymore. I know B and I are both having a difficult time with this, because we both like each other a lot, and whenever we talk, he's always saying he wishes he knew what the future held for him and C, if she is really the one for him. I need to know whether or not this is just a crush, or a stage we're going through, because I don't want to get married to the wrong man, and end up doing this again in the future. Please tell me, how can I be absolutely sure. How do I find out what's really going on in B's mind without scaring him with what I'm feeling...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2005): I am going through excatly the same thing right now, My boyfriend has a mate that likes me and I like him, and me and the friend have spoke about our feelings about each other without letting my friend know, and he said "no matter what he wouldnt hook up, because he doesnt want to lose the relationship/friendship he has with my boyfriend" They have been friends since they were 3 years old. And I understand that because I would have sai the same thing, and being a girl, I would have ran and told my friend. I have never been in this situation before. But every time I see my boyfriends mate we flurt so bad with each other and I treat my boyfriend like s*hit in front of him which isnt fair, thats just me being selfish again. I do have feelings for my boyfriend, but the ones I have for his mate is stronger, and because they dont live near me I have to stay with my boyfriend to see his mate... I feel so bad to my boyfriend, and wouldnt like it at all if he did that to me but I just cant help the feelings I have for his mate.
Me and the mate discussed that nothing no matter what is going to happen us, even if me and my boyfriend break up, so at least I know where I stand. I feel so wrong doing this to my boyfriend, but I hope some time soon these feelings for his mate might go then hopefully I could concentrate 100% on my boyfriend.
I have never been in this situation, but i belive all things in life happen for a reason, and me and his mate just arn't meant to be.
Good Luck, and remember this... There is only 60 seconds in a minutes so dont spend that 60 seconds of your life being upset, or confussed because everything you experience in life makes you a better and bigger person.... Put a smile on your face and have fun and party Hard.....xoxox
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005): Hi, I just wanted to let you know that I am currently going thro the same thing. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we just bought a house together! He has recently made some new friends and I connected with one of them instantly, not long after we met I got a job at his work (I didn't apply because of him, it was a co-incidence)I see him every day and we exchange looks, every time we are out we end up together, he hugs me all the time. My boyfriend has recently told me that his friend has a massive crush on me but i'm not sure it's anything compared to how i feel about him. He to has a girlfriend who just recently moved in with him, i intentionally made friends with her so I had an excuse to hang out with him. Now i really really like his girlfriend and we are really close which makes me feel awful for the false pretences I started a friendship with her. The worst part of it is I love my BF so very much and I couldn't imagin a life without him, sadly now I can't stop thinking about a life with his friend. His friend is moving over seas next year and I'll probably never see him again. The idea of that brings tears to my eyes. I don't really know what to do but I know what I'm going to do. And that is be loyal to my ever loving BF. Sure the idea of never knowing is torture, but at the same time I coudln't live with myself if I screwed my life up for someone who I know isn't going to be around for long. But honestly, I feel for you, it sucks big time but if you don't want to hurt anyone, and really arn't sure, my advice is to enjoy the fantasies. I know I do, your only female after all, but untill you know 100% that this guy is worth risking it all for, then it's not worth risking anything, especially a relationship and a friendship all in one go. Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2005): I just wanted to say You are not alone I was in the same situation 8 months ago, except I was married and the man I was crushing on was My husbands cousin and My best friends boyfriend. I am now divorced and they had split so now My crush and I are together, My friend had moved on so she was ok with it, My ex-husband was pissed but it hets a little better each day. I would say that Your approach needs to be carefully planned out, Try breaking up with your bf before you mention the other guy, then see if he (b) follows your lead if not at least You will be able to find someone your more happy with.I wish I could say this was easy but its the hardest thing I have ever done, I wish You the best of luck.
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A
female
reader, qschick +, writes (17 October 2005):
I think you should end your current relationship as you wouldnt be feeling this strongly for semebody else if you and he were meant to be. At least if you are on your own you can at least be happy that you aren't leading your current man on. I certainly wouldnt like planning a future with someone who is in love with someone else. 3 years is a long time and it will be hard but you are cheating on him at the moment by thinking those thoughts about another man. It is terrible that you are all so closely linked and if you and b get together, your friendships will more than likely be destroyed. Even if you and b get together and it doesnt work out at least you will have been honest with your current bf and know that you did your best to be honest about your own feelings. The way B is considering a future with his gf suggests he may let you down but your current relationship sounds like its run its course so even if B doesnt leave his gf at least you'll be able to find a more fulfilling new realtionship.
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