A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im in love with a close friend. She is gay as am I but she is in a long term relationship.We seem to connect, and I have built up feelings for her for a long time now. I have always had questions over her relationship as her mate still seems attracted to men. I have wondered if I opened up to my friend whether she would maybe feel the same as surely she has insecurities over her mate.Should I go for it and risk a train wreck? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): Tread very carefully. She's in a relationship already. Perhaps there are difficulties there - you say her girl 'still seems attracted to men'. How can you tell, and has she noticed this too? Also, I take it you're single?
You need to establish first of all whether they're in a completely committed relationship. Not as difficult as it sounds. No law against blatantly asking whether she's ever cheated, or been tempted, or if they have an understanding that sleeping with other people is OK (some gay male couples have that agreement - I suspect it's less commonplace among lesbian couples).
If the response is an unequivocal 'no, we're completely faithful and I'd never do that', then you'll have to forget completely about 'going for it', write it off as a crush and try to just stay friends and move on.
If you get what seems like a green light, weigh everything up, keep your conscience switched on, and decide whether it's appropriate to proceed. Any decision to 'cheat' would ultimately be HERS to feel guilty (or perfectly OK) about, and not your fault from any moral standpoint, since you wouldn't be the one that's cheating.
Good luck
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