A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I'm a 38 year old female (but look much younger) who has been very happily married for 16 years with three beautiful children. We recently went to my home country over the summer and there met one of our family friends after a long time. Their son is 19 years old (but looks and acts much more mature). For me, what attracts me to another person is their good nature and kindness. This boy is so smart, mature, kind, good and oh, so good looking. The way he looks at me---it makes me melt-just thinking about it!! We just got back to America and I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. I just found out that they might be visiting us over christmas. I'm afraid that I might end up doing something that I will regret later. Please help me. Also, my husband is the only person that I've had sex with my whole life. So, it's not like I'm a bitch or it's not like I've never seen good looking guys in my life. We are a very well-to-do financially (knock on wood) and have a very good reputation among family, friends and the community on the whole. Help me please !!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010): If you want to F up your life, your hbs life, the kids life, your friendship with this boys mother, and being seen as nothing more than a slag (sorry I know it is crude) then go right ahead. But remember all your actions have consequences. And consequences will destroy all those innocent lives. Is a mere f*ck worth it? Yes you may find the attention flattering and may look younger than your almost 40 yrs but this is not cougar town. If you just cannot resist this young boy, then leave your hb and 3 kids with him and then you can go F up your life any which way you want. Plse do not think you will not get caught if /when you embark on an affair, everyone will get the stink on you. So be prepared to say good by to a long standing marriage, the hb, the kids and also an important friendship. I think its time to glue those legs together and only open them to your hb. If you really cannot do that then the bomb is ticking....-LoveGirl
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (2 September 2010):
#5. Rule number 1 overrides all rules. Don't do it. End of story. Exercise a smidgen of self restraint and good judgement for the sake of yourself and your family.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): Oh good Christ.
I'd love to echo all the other aunts and tell you: you CAN'T go through with this, for all the zillions of excellent reasons that have been explained to you, and you know full well that it's not so much playing with fire as dancing around barefoot in a minefield.
The real truth, however, is even scarier. You CAN do this, and to hell with the consequences. But I don't use the word 'hell' lightly. Your world as you know it may collapse as a direct result.
Or, you could even get away with it and your world may remain totally intact, with nobody hurt apart from (hypothetically, for instance) one of your three beautiful children happening to overhear you having your brains fucked out by a 19-year-old hottie while your husband sleeps.
I'm not inclined to spill my life story here, and your life is your own. All I'll say is that your kids won't be too impressed if you go ahead and do this without discretion. My advice is:
1) Don't do it
2) Don't do it
3) If you have to, get a hotel, combine the lusty madness with some semblance of planning, and don't leave it to the heat of the moment.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (2 September 2010):
 You may be 38 and look much younger but come on... you're mature and rational enough to know that doing anything with this kid would be a dumb idea.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (2 September 2010):
You say you look much younger. Dear, no matter how much younger you feel or think you look, you are far from being a 19 year old. And don't let anyone tell you any differently because it will be a lie.
Some women your age can scrape off 5 years through healthy living and good genetics. 10 years or more? That's just wishful thinking combined with naiveté.
And this 19 year old boy, no matter how mature you think he is, is still just a 19 year old boy with 19 years of life experience. I don't care how savvy and handsome he is. You can't borrow extra years of life experience without living it.
What you're trying to do is to theoretically close the age gap with reasoning that suits your needs. That's a dangerous thing to do, not to mention stupid and selfish.
Ask yourself what a 38 year old woman could possibly want with a 19 year old boy? Don't change the numbers, just look at them. Because you are literally twice his age. When you were 19, he was just a baby.
Look, I get that you got bored in your marriage, but that has been YOUR choice. Noone told you to marry the your first love, you just did. So don't use that as an excuse prowl on some young thing behind your husbands back.
Consider the consequences:
- what will happen to your marriage? It will probably end, nasty divorce, kids torn between parents....
- you will be the talk of the town, and not in a good way. People will speak ill of you because you're dropped your family's happiness for a fling with a handsome young guy. Your kids (who might be teens themselves) won't like it either. Your husband, who stuck by you all these years will feel like crap.
- the boy will most likely meet a pretty girl his age that is much more interesting to him than a married mom twice his age with 3 kids.
Please THINK! This is rediculous. It's not wrong to feel attracted to him. We can't help ourselves when it comes to that. What we CAN do is act wisely and think rationally. What you are doing is neither. Don't be a fool.
If you feel displeased with my post or cannot handle the harsh tone, then feel free to ignore it. But I am not here to baby you and tell you it's okay when it clearly isn't.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 September 2010):
I'm actually seeing an older woman, and I'd love to be able to suggest that you go for it with this guy.
But you know I can't. You're a married woman with three beautiful children, a house, a lifestyle, a good reputation with friends and the community. And all that is far more important than a fling with a younger guy. Far more important.
I suspect this is a sign that while you have a great life in some respects, your marriage is in need of some fine tuning, so to speak.
This younger guy represents a certain amount of freedom that you perhaps never had before meeting your husband, and some fun that you perhaps didn't enjoy at the time. But that's all it is. It's just fun. This younger guy, realistically, will not offer you anything else other than fun. He won't be able to offer you the lifestyle, the commitment or anything else other than a quick bit of fun.
This is a sign that you need to be working at the more personal side of your marriage, and perhaps your own life. Fill it with things that will take your mind of this guy and spend more time with that husband of yours (even if you sometimes fantasize about this younger guy).
Because, if you don't and you make a mistake, your life will collapse. That house, that husband, the lifestyle and your kids will disappear and you'll be left with nothing but a reputation that's good for nothing and the prospect of a lonely older age. Not worth losing that for one fling, so take a look at yourself and marriage, and do a little work on it. No harm in fantasizing about this guy. All the harm in doing something to take it further. He's just not worth blowing the rest of your life up for.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 September 2010):
 Just keep on reminding yourself you don't want to throw away a good marriage over 10 minutes of sexual impulse. I don't know how your husband is but healthy men in their 40's are not going to lose to a 19 year old. Younger guys might have better stamina or higher sex drive, but your husband knows your body, and knows how to please you. The 19 year old is probably going to be too shy. He's gleaming at you because he picked up on your signals and you are probably a very beautiful woman. If he's a good guy, he would be shocked if you acted like a cougar. I had done it with a guy 11 years younger than me (I wasn't in love with him though) and I felt so old, I didn't really enjoy it. Your fantasy would subside, so don't worry. You are not going do anything with him and you will just get over him. You are not missing out by sticking with your husband. You would find it very rewarding to stay loyal to your husband. The benefits of not straying are many: peace of mind, maintaining good reputation, your son would always respect you, not having to find lies and excuses. When you stick to your decision to stay loyal, you stop finding yourself thinking about the what ifs and should I or should I not. I believe you come here to listen to warnings, and not to expect people to say go for it because you won't find advice like this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): Feeling attracted to somebody else whilst being with your husband is fine. It's only natural to feel attracted to a good looking, smart, kind person of the opposite sex. However, acting on it, isn't - with your friends 19 year old , isn't.
You need to get over this and see it as just a 'thing' you felt as he was a lovely appealing young man.
Obviously, if they visited you in your FAMILY home over christmas, you'd be able to control yourself.
You just need to look at it as nothing is EVER going to happen between the pair of you (as it most likely will not) as I can't see him wanting to do such a thing as you say he's a nice person, you're twice his age and his mothers friend. You have a husband and three kids who you LOVE. Also, this boy isn't much older than your children surely?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): Imagine how it would affect your family, his family and your future. Don't do it.
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A
female
reader, Morrissey-fan +, writes (1 September 2010):
This sounds like a mid life crisis. Don't throw away what you have
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