A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:The man I have been dating, he is 30 years old has been going back and fourth between this other woman. Currently he is with her but is confused about if he wants to be with me instead. He says he cares about me a lot and likes me. He feels like we can learn from each other and we get along well. He had trust issues with me and we are working to get past that. He had been worried I would break up with him and would not stick it out. He feels I am not 100% there for him.He contacts me on a daily basis. When we talk it is usually about an hour at a time. I see him on a regular as well. I know his mom and friends, and his siblings. If he is working out of town I go to see him consistantly and stay for a few days. I know she goes as well, I am sure she knows his mom etc.This hurts me a lot sometimes. At times I am patient at try to accept that this is how things are for now. I do not want to give him an ultimatum because I hear men hate that. And I am scared to break it off again because he said he would NEVER take me back if I do that to him again. Also, I am scared if I break it off my heart would break again and I will try to contact him only to face rejection. Also, he may fully commit to her.What should I do? Am I stupid for this? At times I feel like I may end up getting hurt anyway down the line, then a part of me says things could end up great.Has anyone been in this situation as the man? What do you sugges I do? Please be honest but try not to be rude...Thank you in advance. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2012): Thank u for the update.
What made him finally choose you when he left for the other? How did he break up with her? Does he still have contact with her?
I know u are very happy right now: but be wise: a man who goes back and forth from u to another, likes variety and likes playing the women against each other. In this way the women focus on their hatred for each other and not the cheating man. Just saying....eyes wide open girl!
LoveGirl
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys. I just wanted to follow up with this by letting you all know that he and I are officially together and it has been great! It has only been a few months but I am actually happy I didn't let him go. We get along great and have so much in common and he treats me wonderfully! Thanks for your advice anyway :) I really appreciate you taking the time to read and respond.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers. I really do appreciate it. This is very hard for me, I need to do a lot of thinking. Since everyone said the same thing I assume it to be be the right thing to do. Thanks.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (13 January 2011):
I have to agree with the advice given so far. This guy is either stringing you along or he doesn't know what he wants. Neither is a good situation. At 30 he should have his act together, and not be mistreating women he is supposed to care about. I'd cut him loose and move on. Somewhere out there is a man who will treat you right!
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth  +, writes (13 January 2011):
This guy says he cant be with you because he doesn't believe you would be with him 100% but at the same time he is with another woman therefore giving you only 50%.
He says you cant break up with him because he will never take you back again but at the same time he is not with you?
This man has really played you and you really need to open your eyes.
He doesn't care about you, he is using both you and this other woman. he is making you work for the relationship and making you feel trapped and like you need to prove something to him when really he needs to choose one of you and prove to the one he has chosen that he is the changed man and no longer a player.
You need to get out this so called "relationship", i know it will be hard but wouldn't you rather be with someone who loves you, cares for you and wants to be with you and only you. you should be with someone who respects you.
You want someone who loves you 100% and you love him 100%, get some self esteem and realise there are billions of people in this world and this man is not the right one for you.
To make it easier on yourslef i would suggest that when you break it off you do it properly. he is likely to send you messages, call or ask to be friends but to make it easier on yourself to realise what this man is doing to you you will need to say no and cut him out completely.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 January 2011):
If a man can't choose, it means he doesn't care enough to be able to choose. This guy simply doesn't care enough, and all he will do is continue to treat you this way.
Stop allowing yourself to be treated badly, and find a guy who will actually commit to you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 January 2011):
 Stop taking him back, seriously!
Move on. Find a man who KNOWS what and who he wants.
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