A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Will I ever fall in love or find love again? My ex and I were best friends for about four years, since the beginning of high school. We confided completely in one another and absolutely trusted each other with everything. We had an amazing friendship, but we also had chemistry. So near the end of senior year, we decided to date. It was a wonderful near six months, though we had ups and downs like any couple. Of course, I had doubts and insecurities, because college would be starting soon and she'd meet so many more, new, interesting people. I was worried that she'd find someone better, or more special, and it didn't help that she was frequently hit on by many. Also, our relationship began going downhill because of time, (we go to different colleges, though in the same state but a good distance apart), and I closed myself off to her because I was hurt by some things she'd done or didn't do, and at times, it seemed as if I was putting more into the relationship than she was (i.e. I was often the one who had to call). Finally, the day before our six month mark, she called me and told me that she "wanted to speak to her best friend," not the significant other aspect of me. Then, she proceeded to tell me that she had feelings for someone else and wanted advice as to whether or not she should pursue this new flame. Regardless, two days later, they became a couple.It's been about three months, and I've been getting better, but there are days that I feel hopeless and heartbroken. Maybe I'm too young to be saying this, given that I'm only a freshman in college, but I'm not sure if I'll ever find love again. She was my best friend, my first love, and it hurts to lose both at the same time, in the same person. I know this most likely is a lie on her part, but two months later, we hooked up once (just kissed) while she was still with her new guy, and she told me that she loved me and promised to be with me in what? Eight years? Ten years? Since then, I've cut off all contact with her. I really want to heal from this. I've engaged myself in more positive activities, work, and I've decided to not date for a while. I just want to heal this pain. However, can you guys please tell me, will I and is it possible to find love again?Thanks so much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks kc100. I really appreciate your advice. I'm just moving forward, trying to think positively. Yeah, it gets hard sometimes still, because I'm just trying to squish the seeds of doubt in my mind. But, you're right. I just have to stop thinking about finding a new girl. Once again, thanks.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (5 February 2009):
 It sounds to me like you have so much going for you in your life! You sound like a great guy who knows his own mind, and you have a good head on your shoulders. It takes a lot of courage and maturity to cut off contact with someone you really love, you have made all the right steps towards moving on.
All I can say is keep doing what your doing and in time you will start to feel better. I know it seems like this girl was the one for you but if she was ready to move on to some other guy so quickly then she isnt the right girl!
You will meet someone oneday who loves you just as much as you love her. I know it seems hard now, thinking you will never meet anyone but just when you have given up and stopped looking you will meet that special girl. I really believe that when you stop thinking about relationships, stop looking for another one etc then you will meet someone really special.
Dont give up and really focus your mind on what you want from your next girlfriend - then when the right girl comes along you will be sure she is the one! You will find her eventually, just be patient and give it time.
Good luck!
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