A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I asked about this girl before and I was worried she thought I was a creep. We kinda cleared it up when I was working at a school sporting event and she came and talked to me. But the whole time she was talking to me she didn't seem at all interested in what I had to say. I asked her why she gets upset when I don't return her calls but then doesn't return mine. She got pretty defensive and said she's crazy busy with work and school. We've been trying so set up a date for about 2 months now and it hasnt happened so I guess that's gotta be a pretty strong sign. Whenever I bring up a date she says "yah definitly, we will have to find a day" I gave up for a few weeks and I got a text from her saying "we still need to find a day" I know she could make the time if she REALLY wanted to. My head tells me I should give up but my heart won't let me. My thinking is that I might as well keep trying untill she tell me to beat it because I would end up in the cam place as if I just give up now.The problem is she has turned me into somewhat of a creep. It's not like I follow her around but she did tell me when her classes were so I'll walk the long way home just hoping to run into her and she lives right beside me so I sometimes walk by her house just to see if she is home. I feel like such a creep, a girl has never done this to me before. And inside my head I could back and forth one hour thinking she likes me then the next figuring she hates me. All the while not even talking to her.I was thinking about going see her at work today. She works really close to the school and my buddy wants to check out her store. My plan was to keep it super casual and not even bring up the idea of going out together. But now I'm worried again that it might creep her out or come off desperate. What do you think? Good idea or bad idea?
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male
reader, Stroller  +, writes (16 March 2008):
 She's not returning your calls but says "we'll definitely have to find a date"? This is a textbook case - she's using using you to polish her ego. As long as you keep chasing her, she'll be happy thinking "this guy likes me" and (although she may not be fully aware of it) she's probably enjoying the power of keeping you hanging, too.
Sorry to be blunt, but this girl is not interested enough in you to spend time with you, and messing you about like this shows she does not care about your feelings. Run a mile, dude!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (16 March 2008):
 Whew! It sounds like you are a bit obsessed at the moment...
I have no idea what's going on in her life, or her head, so I'm just going to suggest that you ask her out on a date, with a specific date and time in the question. Movies, Friday night. Pizza, Saturday afternoon. Just be specific with a date and time. If she says she can't for whatever reason, then don't try to negotiate a different date or time right then. Just say, simply, 'well, you have my number, if you'd like to go out, give me a call.'
If she doesn't call back with a specific date/time for an answer, then, I'm sorry to be the awful 'Aunt,' she's just not interested in a date with you. She may just be afraid to say 'no' outright; some women don't want to be perceived as being 'mean' or 'cold' or 'frigid' or whatever epithets can be applied to someone who doesn't respond to a man on his terms.
As far as going by where she works even with a friend, hmmm, I don't know. You are starting to border on creepy and stalkerish...just what I perceive from what you've posted, so I think you should do your best to avoid this.
Ask her out, give her the chance to say yes, but if she says 'we'll have to find a time.' and then doesn't follow up on that, it's basically a 'no.'
I have to say that it is so hard to be the one who does the asking out; there are so many ways to be rejected and disappointed. So I do feel for you and all the other men who have to go through this!
Good luck and don't get too obsessed with her or in your behavior!
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A
female
reader, kellz7 +, writes (16 March 2008):
It sounds like she is just messing you around if she really wanted to date you she would have found a day to go on one! I think she also likes the attention that you are giving her but thats as far as its gona go by the sounds of it!Dont go and see her at the store just stay away from her dont ring her or text her! She will prob text you again but i would ignore her! Plenty of girls out there who wont mess you around dont waste your time with this one!
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